Epistolary
by halbarath
Summary: After Soubi disappeared with Seimei, Ritsuka is left to deal with many jumbled feelings. Writing them down helped. Sending the notes to Soubi helped too. Long timespan, many ellipses.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Chapter 1**

 _ **12th, May 2005**_

 _Hello Soubi,_

 _I know it has been a while and I certainly hope you will read this letter in its entirety._

 _Finally, Kio has managed to find you. There is no way I will tell you how because I am not going to make it easier for you in case you decide to disappear again. Considering the time that has passed and the total absence of any sign of life from you, I must assume you either choose to stay clear of us or Seimei ordered you too. I certainly hope I can blame my brother._

 _Kio is very, very much pissed off with you by the way. Natsuo and Youji too._

 _Enclosed with this letter, you will find weeks and years of written testament of my life while you've been absent. I am not sure what you will do with it but I wanted you to have it so, yeah, let's say I bequeath you my memories. Read them or throw them away. Do as you wish — if you know how to. I — however— will send you regular letters that I hope Seimei will not intercept. Is he that interested in your life anyway? Beside ruining it, I mean? Ah, but I'm being rude and nasty._

 _Well. I don't expect to hear from you._

 _Ritsuka._

The letter was returned to its envelope alongside the parcel's other content — a few other notes and a diary — and was safely hidden away between the neatly folded clothes in his floor storage. He would read the rest another day. He was too drained to read anymore.

 **December 2002 - The day you left** was written on the outside of the note. The script was different from Ritsuka's youthful one. He must have written this bit of information when he had packed his belongings in the parcel. The same writing could be found on the few other letters. The note seemed more like hastily scribbled words on a piece of paper torn from school material than an actual memo.

 _Why? Why would everyone leave me behind? Am I that easy to throw away? Why won't anyone love me and stay with me? What is wrong in me? So unlovable... Is that why my own self would hide away? Loveless. I hate it... All is empty. There's nothing left here that is worth anything._

He remembered once, when he had whispered almost the same words to Kio, in a rare show of weakness. (A/N : chapter 43) He still remembered vividly the feelings. The anger, the resentment, the despondency, the loneliness, the despair. It was still fresh in his mind, a gaping wound that wouldn't heal, like the scars on his throat. The note had been fisted in his hand before he had time to think about it. The piece of paper was still lying crumpled on the floor by the time he went to bed. It hadn't yet found its place back with the rest of Ritsuka's memorabilia. It would — once he had his guilt and anger under control again.

 **Same day**

It's been raining and I'm drenched. I had a fight with Youji when I took my things back from Soubi's place. I hurt my knees and I've bruised myself. Natsuo only looks at me with his sad, pitying look. I hate it. I hate weak people. I won't be seen as such. Shitty day. Fuck it all. I'm angry.

 **Sunday**

Natsuo doesn't understand. He can't. He doesn't know what memories mean. But still, it hurts. I can't even pretend it didn't happen or exist. How could I ever forget about Seimei and Soubi? Why would I do it? Memories, that is all I have left. I won't forget.

 **Wednesday**

Yuiko. Sweet, soft-hearted Yuiko. She might be a ditz but really, she's so sensitive to my feelings it's uncanny. How can she manage to read me so well? She cheered me up and I feel better already. I won't give up. That's a promise. Thank you Yuiko. Thank you.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Reviews are always appreciated.**

 **Chapter 2**

 **About a week later.**

We still don't have any feedback. I have no way to face Seimei or get Soubi back. I'm annoyed. I'm frustrated. More so, I'm angry. I'm angry with Seimei. I'm angry with Soubi. I'm angry with myself. I'm angry with Septimal Moons. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and I wish Seimei was dead. For real. I've thrown away all the bottles of soap and shampoo that smell like he did. I can barely restrain myself from spitting on the altar. I can't look at a picture of my own brother. How deranged is that? Each day, when I reach the school gate, I feel such rage against Soubi I feel like throwing up. I got an itch to hit those who smoke — taunting me with that awful smell. My hand hurts. I punched the mirror the other day. Can't even stand my own face. Aren't I the one responsible for this debacle? Why did I get my hopes up? I knew Soubi belonged to Seimei. I've always known it but I've chosen to pretend. Now, it's time to repent. I hate them all.

 **Sometimes in January 2003**

Of course Seimei would refuse. Of course he would rebuff me, as he would a child. What, am I not even worth a meeting? After all his declarations of love and whatnot, all his poker face and tricks and deceits, couldn't he have the decency to hear me out? Oh, I won't forget it, Seimei. No more than I will ever forget you stealing Soubi away from me. You had us bonding and then you took him back. That was your intention all along, to break us into a million pieces. No.To break me. It's not as if Seimei cared about anyone besides himself. Brother-complex? I don't think so. You do not rip apart someone you obsess over. You cheat. You lie. You spy on. You keep tabs on. You stalk. But Seimei clearly has a long-term agenda that needs me broken. Well. I already am. Couldn't have broken me much more. I won't give you this satisfaction, brother. You should have met me. One day, I will make you regret it.

 **1st February 2003**

Yuiko gave me this diary. I will write in it from now on. There's a lesser probability to lose a page.

Kio's been asking questions again. With much more insistence. He won't be deterred. I will have to explain soon.

Seven-Moons will pay for Soubi's flat. Natsuo and Youji had argued with Nagisa-sensei for staying with me. I'm— touched.

 **March 2003**

I'm going to chūgakkō with Yayoi and Yuiko. Natsuo and Youji too. I haven't made any effort to get into any other school and Yayoi has failed the entrance exam. I wonder if he hadn't failed on purpose, just to stay with Yuiko... He could have done so much better. His parents were mad. He had gone to cram school all year long after all. The grading ceremony was boring. Sensei cried. She's so soft. I hope it will be alright for her. She's a nice person. My parents weren't present. I'm not really bothered, it might have been worse if they'd cared enough to come. Kio was there. He shouldn't have come. He only made it more difficult. Soubi's absence was even more glaring. I don't much care for anyone's presence. I feel numb — most of the time. One day, I will disappear anyway. But I won't forgive Seimei. And that keeps me going. For now, it's enough.

 **April 2003**

So, chūgakkō isn't much more interesting than elementary school. It's not even really challenging. I'll pass if I do my homework. Natsuo and Youji find it dull too. I'm not sure how long they'll manage to put up a good front. I'd be amazed if they didn't drop out completely. Or do something really stupid and get kicked out. On the other hand, Yuiko's been working hard and she's smarter than she used to. It's nice to see her like that. Natsuo and Youji have even stopped picking up on her.

 **June 2003**

Something strange has been happening recently. I remember the ringing from when we met the Zero girls. I've been hearing it more frequently. Natsuo and Youji are delighted. I also don't really know how to stop seeing the string between them. It's bothering to see them shimmer all the time.

 **August 2003**

Mother is becoming erratic. I don't know what will happen if I'm not careful. Father is nowhere to be seen or heard. Sometimes I wonder if Seimei is the reason mom went mad. Had he done something to her? Had he asked Akame or Soubi to do it?

 **October 2003**

I'm bored. School's uninteresting. All the others have things to do. Maybe I should try painting... Soubi always seemed to find comfort in it. Let's try, I'm coming back.

Well. No. Definitely. I'm shit at drawing.

 **21st, December 2003**

The heck? Seimei called today. On my cell phone. The one Soubi gave me. Wished me a happy birthday. Wondered how was life at home. Dared to ask me what I wished for my birthday. I gritted my teeth and asked for Soubi. He said that he couldn't depart from such a useful toy. He laughed. I didn't. I've punched the wall so hard there's still the imprint of my fist in it. Apparently, I've gained some muscle recently. I think I've broken some knuckles too. Seimei. The more time pass, the less I can remember you as my kind brother and the more disgust grows. I don't want to hate my brother. But right now, I can't seem to find it in my heart to forgive him. On my birthday — how could he dare?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Reviews are always appreciated.**

 **Chapter 3**

 **February 2004**

Another year. I would like to hope it will be better but I know it won't. Being a child is hard enough. Being an adult sucks. I don't want either.

Natsuo and Youji have managed to keep tabs on Beloved. At least I know Soubi's still alive. I wonder how he fares. He has orders now. Is he happy to? Is he controlled enough? Does Seimei restrain him enough? Hurts him enough to keep him content? Or does he look at our time together with some regret? Does he miss me as much as I miss him? Does Seimei allow him to tend his injuries? Is he hurting my Soubi? Who am I kidding? I know how Seimei treats him. He hurts and abuses him. I'm frustrated. Maybe I should ask Seimei for a little leniency towards Soubi for my birthday... I'll think about it.

 **April 2004**

Another school year is over. Another one begins. It's dull and monotonous.

I wonder why I'm never bothered by Units. I can hear them. Sometimes I can even feel their territory. I was worried at first but since Soubi left, I've never even met any pair. Is it because of Natsuo and Youji's presence? I will have to do something about this matter. I've no chance on my own. I will have to train. Natsuo and Youji can only do so much. It won't be enough. Not against Beloved — whichever Seimei decides to play with.

 **May 2004**

Yuiko's complaining I'm becoming cynical. She says I'm snarky and harsh. It's becoming difficult to hide things from her. I don't know what I will become if she were to leave me too. She's always been the bright side on my life, the little ray of sunshine, the stroke of optimism that I can't seem able to muster. She's the most honest person I've ever met. I don't think she could lie to save her life. I don't want her to go away. I don't want to lose her too. But the gap between us, I feel it. It's expanding. It's growing into a chasm that soon, we won't be able to bridge. It doesn't happen a lot, but for once, I'm afraid.

 **July 2004**

I've made a few more acquaintances. There are two persons I've been hanging out with from time to time. They are nice and funny. Ryohei is mellow with a cool head but always full of common sense and good ideas. Rin is lively. She reminds me of Yuiko. She's so full of energy and she's got such a strong personality. My, she can be rather feisty...

 **September 2004**

Yayoi and Yuiko have finally become a couple during the summer break. They are cute together. Yuiko seems happier. Yayoi is over the moon. I'm amazed he's managed to kindle his love for her despite her rebuffs all those years. Well, maybe I shouldn't. I still wish to get Soubi back.

 **October 2004**

I wonder why my name still hasn't appeared. There's still no trace about any Loveless Fighter. Does it mean they were wrong? Maybe I'm not Loveless. I'm wondering... If it's no mistake, why hasn't anything appeared on my skin? Is my true Fighter dead? Is my Fighter a boy or a girl? How old is my Fighter : older, younger or the same age as me? What if someone had stolen my Fighter? Is that even possible? Because if it's the case, then there's hope. It's far-fetched but there's still this possibility. Soubi is supposed to be a blank Fighter. Moonless said we could work it out because there was less than a decade between us. It means that when Soubi was at the age a name could have appeared, I was around two. And when Seimei carved him, I was eight. Is that wishful thinking? After all, I did call him in Gōra... I know I did.

 **21st, December 2004**

Ha. Seimei called again. Why am I not surprised? He still wouldn't abandon Soubi. I just had to ask, even if I had no doubt he would reject it. He laughed so hard, I wonder if he got stomach cramps. I hope he did. Very painful ones if possible. Is it wrong to wish hurt on one's brother? Even if he's been a jerk? He wouldn't even let me see him. My wall got a new memory too. Will it get another one next year? At least, I don't think I broke anything this year. I can still flex all my fingers and there's no blood on the wall. Progress, progress.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **I'm sorry it is a shorter chapter but it was a good place to stop. On the plus side, I'm leaving it on a happy note. I hope you will like it. Reviews would be delightful.**

 **Chapter 4**

 **January 2005**

Mother will kill me one day. I've barely escaped her tonight. I'm not sure what I should do. I'd like to move out but what will happen to her? Will she die of grief? Can I abandon her when she believes she lost both her sons? Should I stay? But I'm not always quick enough or strong enough to hold her back. It's becoming difficult to fall asleep. I've found myself getting up several times to check my door. I've locked it for years. Now I've taken to putting a chair behind the handle. I lock my window. I've moved my bed so it's in the most protected corner of my room. On the worst days, I climb out and go to Natsuo and Youji's place. Should I stay? But there are memories here. Good memories of Seimei. Memories of Soubi. Do I want to leave this place? Maybe I should just take some physical training so I can restrain her more violent urges. Makes me believe what a good Sacrifice I could make if I had a Fighter... Is that cynical?

 **February 2005**

Kio has been really excited these last days. He won't tell why but I know it has something to do with Soubi. He wouldn't be so tight-lipped otherwise. Kio is exuberant. He wouldn't keep a secret if telling would make others happy. Kio is honest. And he's been searching for Soubi for years now. I'm happy to know he has never given up on him. Kio has always stayed in touch with us. He had no obligation to. He did it because he's good at heart. There are so few people like that that we have to treasure them. I'm glad to know him. But hey, I don't want to be near Kio and Soubi when they meet again. It will be — memorable for sure. He's been quite mad at Soubi since he has disappeared. And Kio is never shy to speak his mind. Very, very loudly.

 **April 2005**

This is my last year in chūgakkō. I wonder if it's going to be as uneventful as the previous ones.

 **May 2005**

Yes! Yes! Kio has found him! I knew it. I knew he had something up his sleeve and I just knew it concerned Soubi. I'm feeling giddy. Is that normal? I'm— happy. It's been a while. I've almost forgotten how it felt. I wonder what will happen now... What is the best course of action?


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Sorry, this one is also very short.**

 **Chapter 5**

The next message arrived weeks later. He had wondered what Ritsuka would do, now that he knew where to find him. He had wondered what he should do. Seimei had ordered him to "not get in touch with them." Should he move out again? He had no desire to do so. He hadn't initiated any contact so strictly speaking, he had obeyed. But he couldn't answer. Answering would be disobeying. It was off limits. However, when he opened the envelope, it wasn't Ritsuka's handwriting.

 _Hi Soubi,_

 _It's been awhile, hasn't it? I don't really know why I'm even writing. It's not like you seem to care. But hey, Ritsuka seems to believe it's not your entire fault. So I'll give it a try._

 _It feels strange to trust Rit-chan over you. We've known each other for years. I hadn't thought you would leave. Not without saying goodbye. Maybe even explaining yourself. I know you're secretive. You've always been. And I understand better now. But honestly, did I have to learn the truth from Ritsuka, rather than you? Why couldn't you trust me over this? It's not like I hadn't always tried to support you. I admit, it had hurt. It still does if I'm honest. I thought we were friends. Clearly, you hadn't considered me worthy enough to keep your secret._

 _Right now, I'm mad at you. I will be until I can yell at you all I want. Maybe throw a little tantrum. I think I'm entitled to it. But I'm glad I've found you. I'm glad to know you're still alive and that there's still a possibility you'll come back to us. I'm glad for the first genuinely happy smile I've seen on Rit-chan's face for the last two years._

 _I won't be writing for some time. In the meantime, try not to let the other Aoyagi get you killed. And think over what you're gonna say to us when Ritsuka brings you back. You'll have a lot to answer to, my friend._

 _Kio._

A few days later, another letter arrived. It was dated. From Ritsuka then.

 _ **16th, June 2005**_

 _Hi Soubi,_

 _I've heard Kio wrote to you. I wasn't sure he would but I'm happy he did. You have a lot to patch up between you. Kio has taken your circumstances with Seimei really badly. He feels betrayed and your disappearance has been a huge blow to him. He has always been very considerate of you and you should really, really apologize him. He's a good man and he's never given up on you. I hope you know how rare such friends are. He deserved better from you. He still does._

 _He cares about you. Well, we all do._

 _Try to take care of you._

 _Ritsuka._

Somehow, these letters made his forced exile both more tolerable and more unbearable at the same time. The lingering affection and unvoiced concern in it gave him a purpose, a valid reason to endure Seimei's hold on him. On the other hand, it was excruciating to stay away and silent. He craved and feared them with an equal intensity.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Chapter 6**

 **15th, July 2005**

Hi Soubi,

I'm quite sure you would disapprove but I've decided I will take some crash course over the summer holidays at the Seven-Moons Academy. I think I'll do it next year too since I can't very well leave my home to move there and stay the whole time. What's more, I don't want to. I want to stay with Yuiko and Natsuo and Youji. Yayoi. Ryohei and Rin. Even Kio, for the few times we meet. I want to be able to see them every day. Talk to them. Go out with them. Make memories with them. I need their presence. They anchor me in your absence.

Anyway. I know so little about the world of Sacrifices and Fighters that I feel inadequate. How can I ever expect to reach my goals if I don't know what to expect and how to react? Not mentioning I'm not sure I'm strong enough to sustain any restrain in a Battle. I have to build up strength and whatever I will need. I might even get to understand what you all mean by "control your Fighter." I don't want to control someone. That's immoral. It's sick and cruel. I don't want to. But I want to understand what exactly Seimei holds over you. Because if I understand it, then I can find a way around it. I can find a way to break it.

I don't want to control. I don't like the mere idea of controlling someone. But on the other hand I like breaking things. My mom have broken more bones than I care to count. I've broken my own fingers— not on purpose, I'll give you that. I've broken many things in my room. Or in Seimei's— for what was left in it. I've punched my walls until there were dents in it. I enjoy breaking things. I like the sound of them crashing and shattering. Yes, I like breaking objects. And breaking your chains? That I would relish. I think I'd like to break Seimei's nose too. Yes, he deserves a good punch. And believe me, I intend to deliver.

Ritsuka.

 **30th, August 2005**

The heck? How could you stand him? I've spent a whole month near this man and I utterly despise him. He raised you? No wonder you're so messed up. He's nasty and toxic. And Soubi, he's obsessed with you. The way he talks about you... There's something really wrong. Believe me, I know. What's in his voice is in my mother's eyes. I know I cling to you and some would say it's obsessive too. But him... It's not about care and concern. He wants to possess you. In all ways imaginable. In body, mind, heart and soul. Your actions, your emotions. He wants it all. He believes you're rightfully his. I understand better now why you're so loyal to Seimei. I would choose my brother over him too, even with the knowledge I have.

The day you left, you shared some stories about your childhood with me. You sugar-coated the tamest stories. I know it now. You revealed some of yourself to me, and I'm grateful for it. But you protected me from the truth at the same time. You always have, haven't you? What to say? What to withhold? That's always been your dilemma with me. I'm older now. I've learned some hard truths. I've learned some hard lessons too. Truths and lessons I'd have preferred never to learn. I understand why you turned up your nose when I asked you to bring me to Gōra the first time.

I understand somewhat, that you were disciplined to obey and you don't believe in free will. But despite all I've learned about your past and our world, I still think we all have a choice, especially the Fighters. We, Sacrifices, are nothing without you. We have no real power. We can't wield the words as artfully as you do. You're free to choose to obey. You can choose to be free of your Sacrifice. You can choose to disobey and rebel. You can choose to stop fighting. You can defy your Sacrifice. You can choose to not yield. You can choose to put up a fight. You might lose, I'll give you that. But you can do it. You can try. I know this means nothing to you. I know you don't believe it. You choose not to believe it. But it gives me hope. One day, you will return to me. If you so choose. I will wait for you, Soubi. And that day, I will welcome you back.

 **2nd, September 2005**

Hello,

We have never met but I've heard you could use an unknown address to send mail to. I will deliver any letters that do not concern me should you wish to send a message. Just find a way to mark the envelope so that I understand it's for someone else.

Ryohei


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Another short one. At least, I can update quickly.**

 **Chapter 7**

 **25th, September 2005**

 _Hello Soubi,_

 _I'm not sure this letter will reach you on the 28th. I hope it does. Ah, yes, I've picked up a few interesting titbits about you in G_ ō _ra. You've never expressed any kind of emotions concerning your birthday and I bet you've never celebrated it. Honestly, I shudder just thinking about what Minami-sensei would have deemed an adequate birthday present for you. Somehow, I would feel relieved if you told me he never even remembered it. Anyway. I wanted to send you a little token but then the others stuck their noses in my business and decided to do the same. I assume you will guess who bought what._

 _Ritsuka._

Laid out on the small wooden table was the parcel's content. An invitation to a private exhibition. From Kio, obviously. He was the only one acquainted with his tastes in art. Some intricately decorated chopsticks : the Zero boys who had liked their food and had always been very vocal about it. A hand-made scarf, long and soft. As comforting as only Yuiko could be. Inconspicuous sakura earrings made of iridescent rhinestone with small pink pearls in the middle to shape the core of the flower. Ritsuka's gift, clearly. Earrings made sense. They were part of the memories they had made together. Part of how they had bonded. He instinctively put a hand to his ears. Earrings linked them still. Earrings held a special place for them both. Ritsuka. His heart ached for him. Ritsuka was right. These were tokens, not mere gifts. These objects had been chosen so that he could use them without Seimei being all the wiser for it. They had been chosen to express care and worry, affection. He missed them.

He had been taught loyalty to his Sacrifice. He had been taught his Sacrifice would be his everything. But Seimei wasn't because he didn't want it to be reciprocated. Seimei had rejected him so many times, in so many ways, he had lost count. Seimei had no care for him. He only used him as he wished and discarded him later, making it as emotionally painful as possible. He used to be sad about it. Now he was only resigned. But when he thought about Ritsuka, he felt so much anger and regret. He would have been a good master. He would have cherished him as a Sacrifice and knew that he would have been both controlled and cared about. Sometimes, he hated Seimei too. But he knew of no way to be free of his name. To him, Loveless was far more appealing than Beloved. More appropriate too. Truer. And unattainable.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Chapter 8**

 **17th, November 2005**

Hi Soubi,

Something strange happened today. I mean, there's this guy in Yuiko's class. We've met before obviously, crossed paths and everything but I've never actually talked to him. Actually, I haven't even looked at him more than in passing. Do you know what he did? He sidled to me and began to, I don't know, chat me up? I've never felt so embarrassed before. I don't even know the guy! And instead of helping me out, my so-called friends only laughed at me. They laughed, Soubi! How am I ever going to be able to go to school again? Ah, fuck, I have no idea how to deal with this.

Ritsuka.

 **21st, December 2005**

My birthday call. I've been waiting. In fact, Seimei called so late I thought he had forgotten. He bragged, of course. Bragged all about your latest Battle, a few hours ago. Got you all bloodied and battered and beaten up, hasn't he? He was so proud of your battle skills and perfect control over pain. So proud of how well he knows which buttons to push to shame you. So proud of how much and how well he can mistreat you. It's disgusting.

I suppose you're allowed to tend to your injuries. It wouldn't do if you weren't fit for another round, now, would it? Appalling. Appalling and pathetic.

Shame on him. And shame on you for allowing it. I'm angry.

Ritsuka.

 **11th, January 2006**

Hello Soubi,

It's been a bad day today. Yuiko has been giving me the cold shoulder for a few days and doesn't want to talk to me. Rin is avoiding me. On purpose. I had a fight with Yōji because I snapped at him and of course, he would snap back. Doctor Katsuko was mad at me too and sent me back home earlier— which sent my mother into a fit, of course. She got the better of me this time and ow, it hurts all over. I want to see you. Is that too much to ask? I don't want to go to school tomorrow. Maybe I'll skip it. Nobody cares anyway. I could go wander around in the city. Maybe I'll go see an exhibition. They remind me of you when there aren't any butterflies around. I could go see Osamu. I don't know. Everything's a bother. It's frustrating. I can't seem to muster any energy to do anything. I don't want to. I want to stay in bed all day and let the world forget all about me. Or maybe let myself forget the world. But it doesn't ever work that way, does it? So here I am, writing forever unanswered letters to you. What a sap! It's piteous. I'm sorry I have no good news to write. Well, to be honest, I'm not even that sorry. It takes too much effort and willpower. I do hope you've recovered however.

Ritsuka.

 **5th, February 2006**

Soubi,

Monthly letter again, I hope they at least keep you entertained. I don't really know how to broach the matter but there is something bothering me. I mean, like, really bothering me. I've mentioned Ryohei and Rin once or twice. We've become rather close since we met. Not enough that I would share anything related to Spell Battle but enough to be part of our small group of friends. I would like you to meet them one day. Yet, of late, I've had trouble talking to Rin. It's so awkward between us, like we can't find anything to say to each other. But, I've known her for some time now and we haven't fought over anything recently. I don't know why she would avoid being with me or talking to me. Have I done something wrong? I like Rin. She's lively and clever and feisty. She's a little bundle of raw energy and she's so much fun. I like spending time with her and I miss the easy-going relation we had. She's still as talkative as ever. Just not with me. She'd shush and look away when I come in. I don't know what to do. I don't want her to leave me too. I'm confused. I hope you're well. Ritsuka.

 **15th, February 2006**

Soubi,

Rin is still as distant. I don't understand. She's talking all the time with Yuiko but Yuiko wouldn't tell me a thing. Said it's between them girls. Well, I've known Yuiko for years and she still can't lie to save her life. It was true years ago, it is still. There is something very fishy going on. I'm sure you have some input in the matter. Not that you can partake it. I miss her. I like it better when Rin is around.

School is so uninteresting. I'm glad it's almost over. It feels strange, I haven't seen you in all my chūgakkō life. You haven't shared anything with me during this time. Has it been that long since you left? It still feels like yesterday. Honestly, it still hurts as much but I'm so used to the feeling that I just push it out of my mind. When I spend too much time thinking about you, I feel — empty. I know it is not healthy. I can't help it. I hope you're alright. I can only know if you're alive or not. That's not nearly enough. Won't you ever break your chain and come back to me? Don't you want to? It's killing me inside not to know. Not to see you. Not to talk to you. Feel you. Smell you. Hold you. You are my Fighter. By fate, by choice, by both, I don't care. You are mine and I want you beside me. Can't you feel it too? Don't you feel the pull? The need? The wanting? My string still glows as strongly as it did the first time I saw it. I just know you're at the other end. Can't you believe me, for once? Show some faith and give me some credit, Soubi. You are Loveless and you know it. Come back to me Soubi.

And Rin still won't talk to me. I feel empty too when I think about her. Oh...

Ritsuka

 **4th, March 2006**

Hi Soubi,

We've worked things out with Rin, in case you were wondering. We're good now. Real good. It's nice to have someone who cares by my side. It's been so long, it takes some getting used to. But she's — understanding.

Things are being hectic here with the school year drawing to an end. Everyone is trying to get into the best high school. Everyone but me that is. Even Natsuo and Yōji are hoping to get into their first choice. I wouldn't have bet on them to pursue their studies but obviously, I was wrong. They have always seemed so dismissive of school. And yet, they've always been the brightest pupils of their class. Now that I think about it, I shouldn't have been surprised.

I remember a dream I've made once, long ago. It happened a few days after you left. I dreamt about college life. What it was like for you. What it would be like if we had been about the same age and attended together. It makes me smile just thinking about it. That was quite childish, wasn't it? I find it difficult to reconcile the memory with the time that has passed since. It's been so long. So long, Soubi, and you still won't come back to me. Why? I've never given you any reason to believe I would reject you. You know I will not. Can't you accept you're Loveless and act accordingly? I cannot choose for you. I cannot act for you. If you don't believe you can be otherwise named, you will forever be Beloved. Is that your wish? Aren't you coming back because you want to be Seimei's plaything? Are you still thriving under his abusive hands and words? It makes me sick. Sick with disgust. Sick with anger. Sick with shame for you both. I don't want to think about you anymore. I want to think about Rin. And high school. And whatever I should be thinking about. I don't want to think about you anymore. And still I'm writing. Sick with self-loathing. I'm not writing anymore. Farewell, Soubi.

Ritsuka.

 **30th, August 2006**

Hey Soubi,

It's been a long time, hasn't it? I thought I could make it out without writing to you. I feel like I've managed rather well. But everyone's fed up with me. Said I'm scathing. Said they feel I'm going to bite their heads off. Said I'm like a black cloud hovering above. Said I'm not nice. Said it's not fun to be around me. It's bothering. They're pestering me, saying that it's all because I'm vindictive and want to prove a point. Prove a point in a one-sided conversation. I think they're all wrong. But Rin isn't happy with me recently and for her, I want to make an effort. I don't know what you've been up to. Clearly, nothing to break your bond with Seimei since you've not made contact. Like I care. They're wrong. All of them. It has nothing to do with you.

By the way, I spent the summer break in Gōra. It was as unpleasant as last time. Not mentioning that obsessed freak who seems to know everything about you. Or me for that matter. Not that I interest him. But we're related, you and I— albeit so distantly now. So he keeps tabs on us both. Three, with my dear brother. Does that make you happy? Another abusive master for you. How great is that?

Ritsuka.

 **13th, September 2006**

Hi Soubi,

I've been easing my mother into letting me get a flat. I think it's time I move out. I'm sorry for her, really. But we barely cross path and she can't even get her hands on me anymore. And in the very rare times she does, she can't hurt me much. I'm stronger than her now. Any damage she inflicts is an injury I allowed her to make. What's more, there's nothing of worth left for me in this house. Only painful memories. Why would I cherish them? It's not like you want to come back. It's not like Seimei is going to suddenly become my kind, protective brother once more. Unfortunately, I've grown out of the child I used to be and shed all the disillusions I held close to my heart. What's left— it might not be the best part of me. But whose fault is it really? I don't even want to think about it.

I'm really looking forward to having a place of my own. I know it's unusual at my age. But my friends could come over and visit. That'd be nice. For once, I would have something that's mine. Only mine. Like Rin. It feels nice.

Ritsuka.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Another short one. I'm sorry, I can't seem to be able to write long chapters whenever there's Soubi's POV.**

 **Chapter 9**

 **28th, September 2006**

 _Hi Soubi,_

 _By the time this letter will reach you, you'll think I'd have forgotten about it, won't you? As if I'd ever forget._

 _I've had a very difficult time to find you something adequate. I've tired all my friends from going shopping with me. To no avail I should add. Rin asked a lot of questions about you. Questions I'd have preferred not to answer. Naturally, she was less than pleased that I'd spend time trying to find a gift for someone she doesn't know, has never even heard about and can't know much about. What should I have told her? I don't even know myself what you are to me. What I want you to be. If I still want you to be._

 _No, that's a lie. I do want you back in my life, however pissed off I might be. And honestly, I have every right to be mad at you. You pledged yourself to me then turned your back on me and betrayed me. But do you know what? Sometimes, I can even believe you did it for me. Because, honestly, you would never have been able to fight Seimei. He'd have you rooted on the spot. You would never have been able to be my Fighter that day. And Seimei wouldn't have let the matter go with a simple scolding. I would have been powerless in a Battle, alone and without a Fighter. So yes, in the very, very good days, I can even convince myself you did it out of consideration for me. Unfortunately, there aren't so many of these extremely good days. And what's more, it still hurt. You could at least have made an effort to oppose him. A simple no, even without some conviction would have felt nice. It would have given me some hope, some shred of self-esteem back. Anyway. This long-overdue conversation still can't happen for now._

 _I hope you'll like what I've sent you. They've been shot recently so you can at least get some update about us._

 _Ritsuka._

In the parcel, he found another envelope containing photographs of them. Two group-pictures, one with and one without Kio. A picture of Yuiko and Yayoi. One of the Zero pair. One of Kio. Several of Ritsuka with his different friends, including the newest ones. So, that was his girlfriend. She was pretty, he had to give her that. And Ritsuka looked content with her. He noticed with surprise all of them still sported ears. Knowing Ritsuka, he wouldn't have taken photographs that didn't reflect the reality. Their ears were as genuine as the pictures he held. For now.

The parcel was hidden away with the rest of Ritsuka's letters. He poured himself a coffee and made it to his table, still thinking about the young Sacrifice, before hurtling his cup to his door. Was that hate? No, it was— jealousy? What a mess. Loveless. So adequate. He could do with a Battle, right now. Yes, something to take the edge off. Anything. Punching someone would feel good too.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Chapter 10**

 **4th, November 2006**

Hello Soubi,

School's becoming a bother. I have to really work now to stay in the top. At least, it gives me something to do and think about. I honestly didn't think I would make it this far.

Doctor Katsuko is talking about ending our sessions. She's dropped it down to twice a month. She says I'm not making any progress, both because she believes I won't ever get my memories back and because I seem more "accepting" (her word, not mine) of who I really am. Like she knew anything about who I am. She knows nothing about Loveless. She knows nothing of Seimei's fake death. Nothing of your absence. Nothing of what I feel. As if I would tell her. I'm not a child anymore. I make my own choices and abide by them. So naive of her.

Sometimes, I wonder what has become of Shinonome-sensei. Are things better for her now? She'd had a difficult year with us, between you who insulted and degraded her at any opportunity, me who was missing school regularly and Natsuo and Yōji who were openly making passes at her... Poor Shinonome-sensei. She was a good person, good at heart and trying her best to do what she thought was right. She deserved better. If only we could get what we deserve, life would be easier.

How's life for you, Soubi? I'm curious. I know I won't have any answer but still, I'd like to know. I hope you're faring well given your circumstances. Have you thought about what I told you? I still believe you can break free if you wish so. Wish, but not as a dream. Wish as a wanting, a need, a deep and strong conviction. Have you ever even tried to call me? Ah, thought so. Not then, not now. Because you're afraid you could call Seimei by accident or because you're afraid I might hear? I'm not deluded: I know I called you once. I know, given the chance, I could have gotten the gist of it and done it again. I feel it, Soubi. It's building inside of me. I feel— not exactly nervous, but rather — restless. Hear me, Soubi. Be mine again.

Ritsuka.

 **21st, December 2006**

Hi Soubi,

I'm sixteen today. I've met you more than four years ago and you've been gone for about three of them. I could give you the exact count but I've no wish to delve so deeply into it. Rin has spend the day with me but I couldn't exactly tell her that I wished to be alone. She's flexible but not that much. And still I had wished to be alone. She left so late...

Seimei called a few minutes after her departure. He still has his rat near, hasn't he? Spying on me still? Such a useless loss of time and energy. Asked me, as he does each year, what I wish for my birthday. I had a bad day, I was in a bad mood. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to hear him. I didn't want to play his little games. I told him to fuck off. Told him I wished he had really died in my school chair. Well, the humour was lost on him. He hanged up. Hey, do you think I should apologize next year? It doesn't matter, I have no intention to. What did he believe? That I would welcome him, be all sugary and sweet talk? He abandoned me. He took everything that mattered from me. And what, a birthday call should excuse it all? Am I that stupid and gullible? Well, I should be allowed to say what I want on my birthday.

I hope he doesn't take it out on you. My hope is slim. Try to patch yourself up.

Ritsuka.

 **13th, January 2007**

Hello Soubi,

I suppose you don't know that we are still all attending the same school, as surprising as it is. And yet, I've been wondering about Natsuo and Yōji lately. Why would they stay? Back when you left, they did it out of a sense of protection towards me. That's how they convinced Nagisa-sensei to allow them to stay here. But it's been years and there has been no threat. I had thought at first it was due to their presence but the more time passes, the less I'm convinced. So, why would they stay? They're bright. They're reluctant to any form of authority. They are a good fighting unit. They have a whole different, secretive world open to them. Why stay? Don't misunderstand me. I'm very happy they're here. They are my friends. And they know of our world. They also know how to be pests but let's be honest, so do I. I was just wondering. And if I ask, they'll just laugh it out and reply something fishy. I'm curious.

I hope you're well.

Ritsuka.

 **February 2007**

Happy New Year!

I don't have much to say. I just wanted to drop a word for the New Year. May it bring you back to your senses and back to us. May you trust enough in the Loveless name to break your current thorny chains and rely on the soft string linking us. May you find enough courage to tell Seimei to fuck off.

You know how to reach me. You know you'll be welcomed back.

Ritsuka.

 **8th, April 2007**

Hello Soubi,

I'm sorry I haven't written last month. Well, no, that's not true. I was angry and disappointed at you. And it was school break so I lazed by with everyone. School has started again last week. I hope it will be interesting. Maybe I'll even get an idea about what I want to do later. I have never seriously contemplated my future. I've been living on a day-to-day basis for so long, it's rather hard to make any long-term plans. I don't have much to say. I feel like it's getting very difficult to feel close to you, to maintain the link that once was. It's so tenuous now, sometimes I'm afraid I'll wake up to discover it has disappeared. Because if that happened, I'd have no way to reconnect with you without your willing involvement and actual presence.

Oh, Rin's been asking about you again. I'll have to find something to tell her. I'm not sure what.

Try to stay alive.

Ritsuka.

 **17th, May 2007**

Hi Soubi,

What could I tell you about?

It has been over a month and teachers are already pressurising us into choosing a field. I don't like it. Why should I have to choose now? What difference does it make? There are still two years left.

I think Mother will allow me to have a condo. I'm almost there, I know it.

It's becoming difficult to manage a relation with Rin. She hates that I don't tell her everything. Sometimes, when we're together, we don't know what to say to each other. It used to be different. I don't blame her, I'm not an easy person. And it's not always like that. Most of the time, we enjoy each other's presence. It's just that, sometimes, it's a bit strained. Yōji has been joking about Rin being my true Fighter. That's bullshit, we all know it. She has nothing of a Fighter, neither in strength nor personality. I don't like it when he makes such jokes. You and I both know who is my Fighter. Natsuo and Yōji should know it too and respect it. It angers me. And I am prompt to anger, that is not a secret.

Take care.

Ritsuka.

 **22nd, June 2007**

Hi Soubi,

Yeah, I've managed to do it! I'll be living by myself from now on. That is a relief even if I don't cook as well as you. I'm moving out this weekend, tomorrow after school. Sunday will be spent celebrating with all the others. I'll ask Kio for beers, I'm still not allowed to buy them. I'm sure that, for once, he won't refuse. After all, I've a damn good reason to be happy. He won't refuse me this small slice of pleasure, now, would he?

I'll keep you posted.

Ritsuka.

 **4th, August 2007**

Hello Soubi,

Ah, Gōra, I haven't missed you. But at least, I'm gaining both endurance, strength and some real training. I feel more comfortable now in what a Sacrifice should be. I understand it better and I have a better idea about what kind of Sacrifice I might become one day. But no amount of time and training will make me revise my opinion on orders and pain. There is no need for a Sacrifice to control all his Fighter's comings and goings. There is no need to be cruel or hurtful. You can manage a respectful relation. It wouldn't make you a lesser Fighter.

I understand now that your way of doing is a reflection of Minami-sensei's belief. That if you revoke all rights and choices about yourself, if you deny your own individuality and right to a life of your own, you'd be able to give yourself fully to your Sacrifice. I understand the concept. But I don't abide by it. I believe it is wrong and that you've been misled. Yes, Beloved has never been defeated. That is due to your own mastery of Spells and Words and your own endurance regarding pain. How does Seimei being a jerk to you makes you a better Fighter, hm? It is wrong, so wrong. Trust is more important in the Unit than blind obedience. You gave yourself away to Seimei because you wanted a place to belong. You obey Seimei still because you fear him and fear to lose this link. Better to be the slave of a cruel master than being on your own, hm?

I'm offering you an alternative. It's up to you to seize it. You can be my Fighter. I'd treat you well, you know I would. I'd control you when you need it. I'd order you, in a Battle or any dire situation that might require it. I know you're scared of having so much leeway. But I'd show you what care and trust is. I'll teach you another way of being Sacrifice and Fighter. I'm not the dominating type. I won't whip you. I won't carve you. I won't punish you. I'll give you a piece of my mind but I won't purposefully hurt you. I'm more often than not angry at you and disappointed and frustrated. You betrayed me and I can't forget it. You know it's true, saying otherwise would be lying. But I'm not a coward or a liar. I stand by my words. I've told you repeatedly you would be welcomed if you chose to come back. That is true. I would make you my Fighter. I would welcome you back in my life. I would care for you and make sure you're not abandoned or feeling lonely. You'd be mine, like you've never been to anyone else. Like none of your previous masters ever allowed you to be.

Who do you wish to enslave yourself to until your death? Because let's be honest, you will forever put your own life after that of your Sacrifice.

Think about it, Soubi. Think carefully.

Ritsuka.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **This one is short. I hope you'll excuse me.**

 **Chapter 11**

 **23rd, September 2007**

 _Hi Soubi,_

 _I suppose this letter will arrive a few days earlier. That isn't a problem, is it? It is difficult to find you something adequate, what with all the time that has passed. I know the others wanted to send you something too. Have they yet?_

 _I couldn't remember seeing any books in your flat or even seen you reading so I've chosen according to my likes, your personality as it was years ago and our circumstances. I hope you'll like what I've chosen. When we will meet again, I'd like to have your opinion on it._

 _I hope you're well._

 _Ritsuka._

Actually, he had never read anything about Kant's work. The book found a place near his bed. He would read it. Of course, he would. It was a gift from Ritsuka.

Indeed, he had also received three other packages on the days following Ritsuka's letter. The first one was from Kio, who had sent him a peace offering in the form of a sketch and a pack of chuppa chups. The other ones were from the youngsters. Yuiko had sent him gloves, not hand-made this time but well chosen anyway. They would be perfect with his clothes. Natsuo and Yōji had sent him pictures of Ritsuka that he had obviously not been aware of being taken. They had managed to capture all the little flickers of expression that made Ritsuka so different from his brother, from the small lines between his eyebrows when he was considering something to the soft upturn of his lips when he was amused. They were only side-profile pictures but they had been tastefully shot. He hadn't known they were so good at taking pictures. And still, they had chosen gifts that he could either hide easily from Seimei or use without drawing his attention.

He missed them.

Maybe Ritsuka was right and a blank Fighter could break free. He hoped so. He wished to. But he wasn't strong enough to do so. Seimei was— imposing and commanding and powerful. Seimei wasn't any Sacrifice. He had— powers. He touched his neck. He used to bandage it to not draw attention. Now he hid his scars because most of the time he couldn't stand seeing them. Being Loveless Fighter... He would be proud. If only he could. But no matter how many times Ritsuka wrote he only needed to will it, didn't make it any less false. Yes, he could defy his master. He could oppose him. But he knew only pain will follow. Punishment and shame and hurt. He was no masochist, despite Ritsuka's early claims. He had been branded as Beloved. He wished with all his might, all his heart and all his mind to be Ritsuka's. And still his scars laughed at him, glaringly red, proclaiming loud and clear he wasn't, that he was Seimei's and would be until death. He had punched his mirror too, too many times to count. And still he was Seimei's. But Beloved, he wasn't.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Hello everyone ! I would like to thank everyone of you who is currently reading. It means so, so much to me.**

 **Chapter 12**

 **19th, October 2007**

Hi Soubi,

I'm afraid Rin doesn't like you. I tried to explain. I told her you were a friend of Seimei. I couldn't very well tell her you are his slave, this wouldn't have gone well. I told her I met you when I was younger and that we used to be close but that you had to leave. I told her we're still in contact. That is not entirely false. It hasn't helped your case strangely. I wonder why. But at least I feel more comfortable talking about you when she's present.

She was also mad at me that I've spent all summer break in Gōra. I told her it was a private school, like cram school. Do you know what's worse? I didn't bat an eye at lying to her. I don't even feel bad about it. What does that say about me? Am I becoming like my brother? Is that alright only because it makes me feel better? But I know if Rin ever learns the truth, it will hurt her. I don't know what to make of it. She won't be happy with me.

I hope you're faring well.

Ritsuka.

 **30th, November 2007**

Hey Soubi,

I've been wondering for some time now. Seimei was part of Septimal Moons. He was one of the heads. And each seat is hereditary. That means someone in my family was either a Fighter or a Sacrifice. Why didn't I know about it? Or maybe I did and that's part of why I don't have any memories left. The more I think about it, the more I believe I haven't lost my memories. They must have been erased or locked away. What did I learn that required I lose my memories? Who decided? Septimal Moons? Seimei? Another entity? And how did they do it? I mean, it's not like there's a button or something. A spell? There should have been some after effects. And I don't believe I've changed that much. My own mother told so once. She said I've always been sultry and cold, with an angry look on my face. Do I really look like that? That's food for thought, for sure...

Ritsuka.

 **21st, December 2007**

Hi Soubi,

I'm seventeen today. I am as old as you were when Seimei carved you. That is so strange. Time really flies. How are you holding up? Seimei called today, like he does every year and obviously he was still pissed I told him off last year. He's been holding a grudge, hasn't he?

So there he was, barely asking about me— not that I care really, and bragging, again. He's been awfully unpleasant, you know. He talked about you for once. Said you were faring well. Said you're as quiet as he wants you to be. Said you were as good as always in a Battle. Said you were so very obedient. Asked if I wanted to talk to you, in that obnoxious sugary tone. You know, the one he uses when he wants to be hurtful. When he knows he's getting the best part of the deal. When he has the power to grant a wish but knows he will not. So there he was, asking all sweetly and saying in the same breath that, too bad, you're in no shape to answer back. What has he done to you this time? Did he call me with you in the same room and let you witness the whole conversation, all the while ordering you into silence? Or did he physically break your jaw so you can't speak? I don't think so, you wouldn't be able to Fight. And what's a Fighter who can't speak?

Anyway. He's a vindictive bastard. One day, that's his jaw I'm going to break. And he should be thankful I don't wish much more harm than that to his own little self.

Ritsuka

 **8th, February 2008**

Happy New Year Soubi !

I hope you're fine. Kio has been talking about you more and more since September. Did something happen that I don't know about? He doesn't seem as bitter as he used to. He joked and talked about good times you had together, before I met you. Not once had he mentioned Seimei nor any of your subsequent quirks, quite a feat let me assure you. I'm glad he seems to have accepted your servitude. It will be easier when you meet again.

I miss you. Don't let Seimei ruin you. Come back to us.

Ritsuka.

 **20th, March 2008**

Hey Soubi,

How are you? Yuiko has been really down lately and I don't know how to cheer her up. Things have been going south with Yayoi and they broke up. It's been hard on them both. It's awkward now to say the least. I can't very well choose a friend over another or meddle in their business. But Yuiko has always been there for me, from the very beginning and I ache for her. She's such a soft heart. Yayoi is not faring any better but he hides it better and suffers in silence. Mostly.

It makes me wonder whether it will be the same for Rin and me. Things are going south for us too. It's been brewing for some time now. I've helplessly witnessed Yuiko's relationship deteriorate. I'm not blind, I recognize the signs in my own. But Yayoi and Yuiko have known each other for longer and Yayoi has been head over heels for her even before I met them. Unfortunately, I've never been that much in love with Rin. She knows it and resents me for it. I can't really blame her. Well, we'll see but I don't have much hope. After all, I'm Loveless.

Ritsuka.

 **4th, April 2008**

Hi Soubi,

This is it: my last year in high school. And still no word from you. You've only been a ghost in my life for so many years now. It's sad really. I'm feeling down today. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't know what to feel. What could I write about? Nothing seems to make sense today. This is not a good day.

We have to think about our next field of study. I'll be heading towards humanities. I think I'll go over to literature. Maybe philosophy. Not a scientist for sure. Not an artist like you either. I still can't draw much more than a stick man. I'm not even interested in it — except for your own painting. And Kio's in my good days.

I haven't anything to add.

Take care.

Ritsuka.

 **30th, May 2008**

Hello Soubi,

Yuiko is still decided to become a primary school teacher. Natsuo and Yōji are tight-lipped about their career choices. Yayoi and Rin are going over hard sciences. Rin wants to do maths at an upper level and I think Yayoi is more concerned with chemistry. Ryohei has chosen humanities, like me. I think he'll train in foreign languages, English most probably. I wonder what will become of our small group once we leave high school and go to our own studies. Will we see each other? Move to other towns and forget each other? I can never forget them. But will they? This is worrying. I don't know what will happen then. I'm not sure I want to know. Have you heard about Schrödinger's cat? That's my dilemma alright. You're also a Schrödinger's cat. It's upsetting.

Ritsuka.

 **3rd, July 2008**

Hi Soubi,

Time flies, it's already July. How's the weather in your town? It's good here. Feeling all warm and nice.

I'd like to see you now. I'm running out of patience.

I'm going to Gōra again next month. I don't think I'll go again next year. I don't believe they can teach me more without a Fighter by my side. And once I've got one, I don't think I'll trust them enough to go there accompanied. Once I've got you, we won't need them to train us. I'm sure we can work it out on our own. I certainly won't bring you back to Minami-sensei. I shudder thinking about it. But maybe I'll go there alone and gloat over you being my Fighter rather than his. Yes, I'd like that very much. Snatch you back from Seimei, break something in his handsome face as a parting gift then head towards Gōra and rub it into Minami-sensei's face. Yes, yes, very enjoyable. Think about it. Don't you find it appealing?

To your silent question, no, I haven't grown up into a soft-hearted, nice young adult. But that's alright, isn't it?

Ritsuka.

 **30th, August 2008**

Hi Soubi,

As expected, my time in Gōra was less than enjoyable. But I'm stronger now. I know my place and role as Sacrifice as well as what I want to obtain and how. With you at my side, we could deal with Seimei. There is no other way, I know now you won't ever do it on your own. If I were by your side, would you be willing to shed this life and join me? Of your own free will this time, without constraint, without order, without any obligation except your own?

Ah Soubi, I won't ever accept any other Fighter. Will you let me be the only Sacrifice without a Fighter? I'm Loveless already. Isn't it wretched enough? Haven't I taken my fair share of pain, hurt and injustice? I will be a good Sacrifice for you. I have trained hard to be worthy of you and your Battle skills. Allow me to be your Sacrifice.

You were blank. Minami-sensei told me once a blank fighter is like an unwritten slate, that he's only the reflection of infinite possibilities. I know he told you too. For once, I agree with him. If you're really blank, then I could be one of these other possibilities. But you have to choose to be mine. Don't you understand? I can back your claim. I can be the support you need but I can't erase his name from you. You're the only one who can. I don't know how, Soubi, that's true and that scares you. That scares you because if you fail, Seimei will not forgive you.

Don't believe I haven't thought this over. Don't believe I've chosen to overlook a displeasing possibility. I can assure you I'm very much aware of how disastrous failing would be. And still I believe you are mine. I believe you're Loveless. Not a blank. Loveless. Taken from me when I was too small. When I was unaware I had a Fighter. When I was unable to protect him. I'm older now. Stronger. Prouder. And much less pliable. And I've had a lot of time and opportunity to think about it. You are mine and I want you back. Fight back alongside me. Fight back with me when I come get you. I cannot do it alone. Nor can you. Fight with me. Together, we will be Loveless and nothing will tear us apart anymore.

Soubi, be mine.

Ritsuka.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Chapter 13**

 **28th, September 2008**

 _Happy Birthday !_

 _I don't know if you've read the book I sent you last year. If you did, I hope you liked it. I've always enjoyed Kant. His ideas appeal to me somehow. I don't know if the others will buy you something this year. They all seem so concerned about school and exams and everything... They are all so serious, it's bothering. I'd prefer to spend the time after school together, talking and doing whatever, staying up late and having a good time. But they're all working hard and won't let steam off. What a bother. Ah, at least, I'm working hard too. There isn't much left to do once you're all alone. Reading can only be so much entertainment..._

 _I know my present is a bit too feminine but it struck me when I came across it. I looked at it and I thought about you. Its colour, its form, its singleness. Everything told me of you. It was made for you, you as I remember you, as I picture you. The chain was just an irrepressible allegory as well as the perfect companion for it. I'm not sure you'll wear it. I won't be disappointed if you don't. I wanted you to have it._

 _Ritsuka._

In his hand fell a beautiful pendant. A periwinkle butterfly, artfully modelled in wrought iron. It even seemed enamelled. Made with love, bought with love, received with love. He would wear it. It was small enough to fit under his shirt. Somehow, it reminded him of Ritsuka. Loveless. So inappropriate. Ritsuka was everything but Loveless.

 **1st, October 2008**

Soubi,

I'm — a lot of things today. I'm angry. And sad. I'm feeling very, very low. I can't seem to muster anything positive. All is dark and grim and unfair. I feel abandoned and alone. I feel — loveless. Rin— Rin has decided she has had enough. She left me. Everyone always leave me. Do you know what she said? She said she couldn't stay with someone who wasn't fully committed. What does that even mean? I was fully committed for fuck's sake! I've done more than I wish to admit. I've always tried to appease and compromise. I've tried to be more than I am. Tried to be cheerful and nice and normal. How is that "not fully committed"? I feel sick.

Ritsuka.

 **14th, November 2008**

Hello Soubi,

Long time no see, hey? Hum, I don't know how to put it nicely so what exactly have you done?

I'm sure Ritsuka would have told you about his break up with Rin. He was devastated, to say the least. I'm sure you can relate. You know how he is. Always so needy about any form of care and tenderness. No, he hasn't changed, not on this anyway. He still craves it as much as he did years ago. But still, he was getting better. He was less downcast and a bit more responsive. He was talking again instead of snapping at us and shutting us out. We could barely go to his condo. But he was getting better. And then came a letter, delivered by Ryohei.

For the first time in years, years Soubi, he was happy. The light in his eyes, I haven't seen it in so long. I've forgotten how alive he could be. He skipped school. He ran home. He blatantly refused us entry to his flat. He told us to go away. Said everything was fine and that he would call later. He was different. It was from you, wasn't it? You're the only one who can elicit such behaviour and extreme feelings in him. But what the hell did you say?

Ritsuka didn't call later. Nor the next day. Nor the one after either. He didn't come to school. He didn't reply. Didn't take any call and gave no answer to any message, not even Yuiko's. And when we decided we had enough and went to his flat, he opened the door like nothing extraordinary had happened and invited us in.

He had trashed his condo, Soubi. There wasn't a single cup left. Nothing breakable had survived. There was nothing left of his usually pristine flat. Nothing but a beautiful painting of butterflies that we've never seen. You painted it, didn't you? How can a painting put him in such a rage, Soubi? Do you have any idea of how destructive he can be? How are we ever going to pull him back up? Do you know how hard it is to keep him afloat in your absence? How do you think he's coped? Fine?

Yeah, well, think again. I don't know what you did. But you should know it didn't help. At least, it doesn't look like it did. You'll get no thanks from us. That was not a good idea. If you want to cheer him up, come back. If that's not your intention, then refrain from making contact again.

Yōji and Natsuo.

 **21st, December 2008**

Hi Soubi,

I thank you for your painting. It came about a month earlier than my birthday by the way.

I hope you're alright.

Tell Seimei to fuck off for me. I'm not answering him this year.

Ritsuka.

 **26th, January 2009**

Happy New Year Soubi !

May it bring you happiness and contentment.

Ritsuka.

 **13th, February 2009**

Hi Soubi,

I hope you're fine. School is drawing to an end. Senta is about to begin. I hope I'll do fine. If at least I could manage a work I like, that would be something to feel good about. Natsuo and Yōji have been mad at you for some unknown reason. Should I worry?

Take care.

Ritsuka.

 **3rd, March 2009**

Soubi,

High school is over. Its beginning was better than its end now that I think about it. Is it going to be always this way? Does everything has to end badly? Does everything need to be ruined all the time? Loveless. Maybe one day I will accept this name as mine and maybe then I won't be so disappointed. I would have liked you to be present at the graduating ceremony. It was— something. It was different. A milestone of sorts. As if now we were adults and worthy of some freedom in our choices.

Bullshit. It was dull and uninteresting and boring. I just wanted to be home and alone. I didn't want to celebrate. I didn't want to mingle with so many people. Didn't want to see happiness shine in their eyes. Didn't want to be hugged and patted on the back. Didn't want to hear "congratulations!" from every corner. Didn't want my friends to look at me as if I was going to collapse on the spot. I don't want their pity. I don't need their sympathy. I want to be left alone. Let them go to their promised happiness. Let them go on with their lives. Let them go the hell out of here. I wanted you to be here and you weren't. Go to hell too. And don't forget to bring Seimei with you. I hate you all.

Ritsuka.

 **25th, May 2009**

Soubi,

Guys have been hitting on me since I came to college. Do I look like I'm homosexual? Maybe I do. Maybe I am. After all, things didn't work out with Rin. And I've always liked you. Maybe I should try it. Maybe I should try SM too. Maybe I'd finally understand what makes you tick. I've been rather confused recently.

I'm sorry I haven't written for the past few months. I've hit a rough patch but I'm feeling better now. I sometimes have a bit of a difficult time digesting some events and feelings. This one was harder than the previous ones but it's all good now.

I'm having a really good time in college. I like what I do and I don't feel like I'm losing my time. Yuiko lives nearby so we still see each other a lot. She's delighted in her training too. She'll make a nice teacher. Youji and Natsuo are still around often but they've moved to another town. Oddly, they've chosen different careers from each other. Youji has gone to maths and Natsuo, will you believe it, to cooking. I was shocked, to say the least. But hey, who am I to judge? And we'll get to have delicious meals in a few months. Yeah! Yayoi seems fine in chemistry but has moved to Kyoto and we don't see each other much. Ryohei has applied to a foreign student program. I'll miss him a lot but for now he's still around. So let's have fun as long as we can! Rin is in maths with Youji but we don't meet often. It's better and easier this way.

I hope you're fine.

Ritsuka.

 **4th, July 2009**

Hi Soubi,

It's almost summer break and I have no idea what to do with myself. I've gone to Gōra for several years in August. I haven't thought about this year. There are so many things I'd like to do. I wonder. What should I do? The reasonable or the unreasonable choice? There are so many opportunities, so many things to try. I think I'll choose on the spur of the moment. I hope you're well. Kio and the others say hello.

Ritsuka.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Chapter 14**

When he opened the door, Ritsuka stood there, lazily leaning against the wall. It was a fine August afternoon, sunny and sweet smelling. A totally unremarkable summer day. And there stood a perfect replica of Seimei. A younger, darker, harsher and earless version of Seimei.

"Hi Soubi!" he said merrily, "I'm letting myself in in case you couldn't invite me in."

He closed the door and followed the younger man silently. He watched him as he looked around and made himself at ease in his flat. It took him several minutes before he found his voice again.

"Ritsuka? But, what are you doing here?"

"He? I was tired of waiting for you. It's summer break, I've got a lot of free time. I surmised I could go see you. Is that a problem?"

"A problem? Hum, no. But Seimei—" he lapsed back into silence, wondering how to phrase his thoughts properly.

"But Seimei— has suddenly become your lover and he's hiding under your bed?"

"What?" he spluttered. "Of course not!"

"But Seimei— is going to pop into existence in the next few seconds and spell us into oblivion?"

"No!"

"But Seimei— is a right bastard and you're dreadfully afraid of him?" Ritsuka stared at him, eyebrows high on his forehead, daring him to disagree while still looking very comfortable. "Well, I'm not. What's more, he can't order **me** around like a dog."

"He won't be pleased to find you here if he comes."

"My brother's been a pain in the ass for years. Let him have a little of his own medicine."

"Does that mean you intend to stay around?"

"What do you think, Soubi? I've been patient. I've waited about six years. I have counted. Have I been a good enough brother? Have I been entertaining enough for Seimei, hm? I have no intention of being his favourite sport anymore."

But he had no wish to be so serious already. Finally, he got to see his Fighter. Finally, he could speak with him, smell him, spend time with him. Hold him, if things went smoothly enough.

"Let's make memories again, Soubi!" he declared as he got up and opened the front door.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Chapter 15**

For the next few days, he spent each and every one of them with Soubi. Making memories, that's what he had always ever wanted to do. He used to believe memories would only last if there were physical testaments of past events. Like pictures.

But he had grown. Grown in maturity. Grown out of the fear of disappearing to make place for the first Ritsuka. Grown out of the fear of losing his memories of Soubi. He had been imprinted on his very soul, like a tattoo was on the skin. They were cut out for each other. They were destined to be together. He would recognize him whatever happened. They belonged together and he didn't need any photos of Soubi anymore. So, instead of shooting pictures, he enjoyed the days. He had Soubi give him a tour of the city, take him strolling in the parks, show him his favourite spots, explain paintings to him, take him to exhibitions, cook him delicious meals.

And still there was no word from Seimei. But he had noticed the clouding in his Fighter's face at the mention of his master. He had noticed how Soubi tensed and stiffened. How he suddenly held himself differently. How he would subtly hung his head lower and let his hair fall before his face. How he would imperceptibly increase the distance between them. So he kept silent and let him have his peace. He knew Soubi wasn't ready for a confrontation. They would fail if he forced a meeting with his brother. Seimei's hold on Soubi was so colossal it would be hard to break. But Soubi's disposition would be even harder. That's why he was relentlessly building up their bond again. Soubi wouldn't believe their string could overcome his chain to Seimei. He had to thicken it until its reality and power was sufficient to convince him to turn against his master. And Soubi had to trust him, as a partner, a Sacrifice, a support. So he trained him. And he knew Soubi was aware of it. He allowed him to despite all his doubts and fears. Soubi was so very pliant.

And each day he would say the same. He remember Soubi saying again and again, until he couldn't stand it anymore that he loved him. He was young then. Young, naive, untrained, scared and much more inexperienced. He hadn't understood that Soubi was trying to bond them, to strengthen them. He knew now. So each day, when he would leave he would reiterate it, like a mantra. "I forgive you, Soubi." And each time, his Fighter would look so guilt-ridden and sad he desperately wanted to hug him. But he couldn't, not yet. He wasn't ready to acknowledge it. He could barely accept that he had come back to claim him as Loveless. Declaration of love? Not going to happen anytime soon. But the feeling was there and it was shared, he was sure of it.

The mere memory of the first time they had touched... That very first day, when he had suddenly put his hands flat on Soubi's thighs and leant forwards, their bodies within a hair's breadth and their cheeks almost touching, he had felt alive and vibrant. Had felt the urge to kiss him. The tightening in his lower abdomen. He knew it. He was familiar with it. And the darkening of Soubi's pupils, he had recognized it too. The need was shared. The desire. But he had refrained. Instead, he had brought his lips to his ear and whispered, his warm breath wafting on his skin as teasing as any actual touch could have been, "I forgive you, Soubi." And he really had. He had already, long ago. But Soubi needed to hear it. Needed to believe it.

"I forgive you, Soubi."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Chapter 16**

There was a dangerous edge to him that he hadn't known Ritsuka possessed. He witnessed it for the first time during the second week he spent with him. Seimei called upon him. Of course, he would. Seimei seemed to have an unearthly timing that tended to ruin his best times. But a call was as compelling as an order. Ritsuka had already understood and only looked at him strangely, making no move to prevent him from leaving nor voicing any protest.

"Will Seimei come back with you?" he only asked.

"He never has."

"Then I'll wait for you."

These were the last words they had spoken before he left in a hurry. He was already later than he usually was. Seimei would not approve. He had no wish to answer any questions concerning his tardiness.

When he came back, it was night. He had been hard pressed to win the Battle. For once, they had met a worthy and skilful adversary. It had been interesting but difficult. He was tired and bruised and battered. Seimei hadn't been spared either. In a Battle, as a Sacrifice, he was absolutely flawless. He could endure a lot. But he wasn't appreciative of it. The more he endured, the more he, as his Fighter, would have to deal with the aftermath which usually consisted of a demeaning order. Ritsuka wouldn't like it.

He was still there when he opened the door, reading a book with a cup of coffee beside him. He looked so much like Seimei and still, they were so dissimilar. Ritsuka looked at him, decided nothing was life-threatening and calmly closed his book before getting up to check him over.

"Undress, Soubi. Show me." Control. Yes, Ritsuka had learned it. He patched him up, letting his cool fingers trace the injuries before tending to them. He asked how the Battle went and whether he had missed any wound. He didn't mention Seimei. It was soothing to let him do as he wished. His touch was cautious. His touch was difficult to resist. But he wouldn't move an inch. He concentrated on his breathing. He concentrated on Seimei's departing order. It would be more painful to obey if he were sidetracked. And still, Ritsuka would slowly and tenderly graze his skin until he was satisfied he couldn't do any better to help him recover. He got up and got dressed. On impulse, he stepped away from the young Sacrifice and leaned his back against the wall. But apparently, Ritsuka wasn't all done with him because he got up too and stopped a few inches in front of him. He was taller now, he reflected. But Seimei had ordered and he couldn't bring himself to look Ritsuka in the eye.

"Arigato," he simply said. Ritsuka only nodded once, acknowledging he had perfectly heard him. His presence was— intoxicating.

"I'll stay here tonight," he announced, his tone brooking no argument. He felt heavier all of a sudden. The floor had opened up under his feet and soon, he would crash down.

"You can't," he stated. He wondered whether he should elaborate. If Ritsuka hadn't changed that much, he would demand an explanation. Elaborate he would then. "Seimei—," he began but rephrased. "I can't let you stay."

"What's his order, now?" he asked and his tone was decidedly colder.

"Stay alone," he repeated.

It wasn't the first time. It certainly wouldn't be the last. He was used to it and usually wasn't even affected by it. But tonight, he was. Tonight, this order was painful. How Seimei could have known, he had no idea. And Ritsuka wasn't happy. He wasn't happy at all. He saw it in his face: shock, outrage, anger. He felt the air move beside him rather than saw anything before Ritsuka's fist collided with the wall near his head. He didn't move an inch. Not the first time. Not when he felt the younger male growl. Not when he felt him tense and stiffen. Not when he punched the wall again. And again. And again. He heard his knuckles complain and crash each time he hit the wall with all his might. He heard the crushing sound of something breaking and eventually put up his own hand between Ritsuka's and the wall. He winced when the blow fell but didn't make a sound. He didn't move when Ritsuka held up his fist again. He saw it then, in the tightening of his jaw betraying his gritted teeth, in his aggressive posture, in his quivering arm. He saw the rage Natsuo and Yōji had hinted about. Smouldering eyes alight with pure, unadulterated rage.

"Ritsuka. Your hand," he only said, trying to catch a hold of him to see the extent of his injury.

"Will heal," he deadpanned and breathed out the fury and the frustration. Control. "I'll see you— later," he declared before leaving his condo.

Later turned into tomorrow. Then the day after tomorrow. Later morphed into three full days. When Ritsuka knocked on his door again, his hand was bandaged but he simply brushed his concern off. Considering the state of his wall, it was obvious he had broken some bones. He had to give him that: he could endure a lot of pain. Even as a child he was able to sustain physical pain without complaining. He had always had that strength. But what he had seen in his eyes, it hadn't been. That fierceness, that brute force and wild intensity. Where Seimei was ruthless and cold-headed, Ritsuka was fiery and hot-tempered. Somehow, he felt better knowing Ritsuka possessed such violence. Whenever he will choose to confront his brother, he won't be the lone and scared child he used to be. He would have enough resource to fight back. He might even be able to claim him as his Fighter.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Chapter 17**

I took him time to swallow Seimei's last order to Soubi. It had evoked an anger so bright he had barely been able to prevent himself from lashing out at his already wounded Fighter. His. Soubi was his. He had to bring him back and soon. Seimei's treatment of him was not tolerable and it had to stop. Ten years. He had been chained to his brother for a whole decade. That was far too long. It was time Soubi acknowledged their bond. He had spent the previous days away. He had needed to clear his mind, settle his nerves and determine his course of action. His mind set on the task at hand, he went to Soubi's flat.

"Ritsuka," he greeted. "Is there anything you wish to do?"

"Yes," he answered simply and got nearer to him. He had noticed the shift when they were close, the almost imperceptible hitch in his breath and slight stiffening, the way he would determinedly clasp his hands in his back. Oh, yes, he had noticed it. Soubi didn't recoil from him in fear. That, he saved for Seimei. With him, he didn't know where to stand and let him set the pace. He was a Sacrifice, he should give directions. Well, the lesson had been difficult but he had learnt it. And desire was still there, unaccounted for, not acted upon, never discussed but forever present. He got even closer and smelled him deeply. "I want to do something different today," he whispered in his ear, toying with a lock of blond hair that tickled him. "Stand still," he ordered. "Close your eyes and concentrate."

"Concentrate on what?"

"Just do it. You'll know."

He faced Soubi and watched him, watched his chest fell evenly in rhythm with his breathing, watched the locks that had escaped the black ribbon holding his hair back, watched the bandages on his neck, watched the earrings he had sent him years ago. The afternoon sun on his back, his Fighter at his side and a homey feeling warming him inside, he felt content. He smiled. Yes, it definitely was the perfect day.

He looked at his string and played with it a moment. Felt its weightless presence, its smoothness and its strength. He tugged slightly on it, made it ripple. He followed its line with his eyes and smiled wider as he found Soubi on the other end. As expected. And yet Soubi still couldn't see it. But he could feel it if he tried. He gripped his string tighter with both hands, closed his eyes and concentrated. He concentrated on his memories of Soubi, his feelings, the time spent together, the soft training he had initiated. He concentrated on his need to claim him, to made him understand, to gain his trust. He concentrated on all that made Soubi special to him. He concentrated on his urge to free him from Seimei, to know he was safe and cared about, to protect him. And suddenly he yanked. He yanked as hard as he could. He yanked with all his might, with all the urgency he harboured. He yanked to save them both. And Soubi faltered. He faltered and Ritsuka smiled. When Soubi opened his eyes in surprise, looking at Ritsuka for an explanation, he found him already inches from him.

"You are mine," he said in his ear. "You may not believe my words, but you can't refute the string linking us. Sit," he ordered as he himself stepped away and sat down on the floor. "You understand what happened, don't you?"

"How is that possible, Ritsuka?" he wondered, a hand fleetingly touching the scars on his neck.

"Ah, baffling, isn't it?" He smiled, no, rather smirked. "It's possible because you shouldn't be Beloved. That is not your name. It is not your true calling. Seimei shouldn't have named you. You were not for him."

"You can't change your name. How can I respond to both?"

"Are you daft or are you unwilling to accept it?"

"I'm sorry," he replied, the words automatic.

"Don't be. I'm neither patient nor tactful. I shouldn't take my frustration on you."

Soubi nodded and lapsed back into silence.

"Do you really not understand?" he asked as he put a hand on his, surprise evident in his tone. "You are mine. You are Loveless. You should bear **my** name. You feel me because we are a Unit. You feel me because I accept you as my Fighter. And right now, you've felt me because you haven't resisted the pull."

They looked at each other and Ritsuka saw it wasn't going to be as easy as he had hoped. Yes, he had felt him and reacted. Yes, he wanted to belong to him, he could see it in his eyes. But the name on his neck held him back. He wasn't accepting or even understanding that his mindset was the catalyst. That as long as he believed he could never change his name, he would forever be Seimei's.

Ah. So he would have to take drastic steps. Calling would wait another day. Soubi was not ready. He needed a few days to come to terms with all this.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Chapter 18**

Touching Soubi was exhilarating. After all the time they had lost, all the missed opportunities even the most casual contact seemed like a small miracle. And as he sat there, softly running his hands in his Fighter's hair, he reflected he could never part from him again. Rin had been right. He hadn't been fully committed to her. He hadn't known then because he hadn't wished to delve too deeply into that matter.

"You're handsome Soubi when your hair is tied back," he began. "But really, I prefer it loose because I love running my hands in it."

Soubi chuckled lightly and didn't reply. He had to agree with Ritsuka. This felt good.

Still it remained difficult to guess what Ritsuka was planning. His objective was clear : he wanted to claim and bring him back. But his way of doing it? Not so obvious. Clearly, he had wished to bond them again and was set about training him. But then, he had gone into an impressive fit of anger and left him without a word for three days before waltzing in again and making a point of convincing him of their bond. This day, he was clearly seducing him, not that he minded. True enough, he had stiffened when Ritsuka had tangled his fingers in his locks. Since then, he hadn't moved away and let him have his way with him. Ritsuka seemed to believe it to be an invitation to deepen the intimacy because he quite suddenly found himself with the young Sacrifice all over him. He was slowly unbuttoning his shirt but stopped when he saw his pendant.

"You're wearing it?" he asked, his eyes shining with some unspoken emotion. "You didn't have it last time Seimei called you."

"I never wear it in a Battle. The chain could break."

"I'm touched. I didn't expect you to," he explained.

"You gave it to me," he offered back and saw something swirl and darken in Ritsuka's eyes. He heard him growl softly and suddenly found him a hair breadth from him.

"You are mine," he rumbled against his lips. "You belong to me and I will have you, Soubi."

To his utter bewilderment, Ritsuka didn't move away from him, as he had the previous times. Instead, he kissed him softly. He kissed him tentatively. He kissed him slowly. He kissed him as only recent lovers do, savouring his taste and his feel against him. He kissed him with the hesitancy and restraint of untold love, with the incertitude of a love not yet declared as shared. He kissed him tenderly and ran his hands on his chest, shedding his garment to give him unimpeded access. After a few minutes, he abruptly pulled back and sat on his knees.

"You're not very responsive, Soubi."

"I'm sorry," he said simply. "I'll do better," he amended but Ritsuka didn't reply and only frowned slightly.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked all seriousness, hands clasped in his lap. Silence stretched as he pondered his answer. And Ritsuka remained stone-faced, clearly awaiting an honest answer.

"I— don't mind," he finally offered.

"You don't mind." Silence again. Ritsuka stared at him and seemed disconcerted. He looked at his hands, searching for words. "Do you want me to stop?" he finally repeated as he looked up at him.

"Do as you want. I don't mind either way."

Wrong answer. He read it on his face as easily as an upcoming rain in the sky. His features hardened, his frown deepened and a fire ignited in his eyes. And still he didn't move. Only his eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

"Would you love me more if I mistreated you, Soubi?" he asked, and his voice took on a different quality. Lower and sharper. "Would you love me more if I were like Seimei?" Colder and on edge. "If I hurt and abused and shamed you?" Deceptively soft. "Or maybe like Minami-sensei?" he whispered with a hint of hostility. More dangerous. He leant closer and grabbed a fistful of his hair, tugging slightly. Not painful but unpleasant. "Answer me," he ordered, glowering at him.

"No. I wouldn't."

"I am **not** going to rape you. If you're not willing, say so, Soubi."

He got up and left, the slamming door resounding loudly in the now silent room. He wouldn't see him for the next couples of days.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Promocat, I really hope you'll be satisfied with this one.**

 **Chapter 19**

 ** _Soubi. Come. I need you._**

Calling again? That wasn't often that he would be called upon so soon after a Battle, especially a hard one. Still, he would go. He hastily put away his brushes in solvent so that the paint wouldn't dry and ruin them and left his painting unfinished. It was a shame really because it would have been a nice one if he hadn't been disturbed. Ritsuka would have liked it.

He followed the call, relying on the light that was his Sacrifice to guide him through the city. The urgency abating, he slowed down. There was something off to his flow. Should he text him? If Seimei was waiting, that wouldn't be well received. He had no wish to anger him so he went on, a slight frown firmly in place, until he reached a park. Seimei never chose parks to fight. He stopped and concentrated. There was no ringing heralding another Fighter nearby. It was odd. And still Seimei's signature was amiss. Something in its rhythm, in its feel, in its intensity. Maybe in its urgency. It wasn't from Seimei. He was sure of it.

Something stirred inside him, wanting out. It strengthened, causing him some mild alarm. He stopped again. It felt like a call but it was unusual. Stronger. More imperative. It called differently. True, he felt the need to meet the one calling. True, he felt the urge to follow it. True, he felt compelled to do it. True, he felt glad to be called. But it wasn't the obliterating or subjugating call he associated with Seimei. It was a soft call, like a siren song, luring him on. It felt soothing. But the oddest was that it seemed to radiate from himself, as if he were its focal point. It was unsettling to say the least.

He would get to the bottom of this. His resolve hardened and he propelled himself onwards until he met the one who had called him. Of course. He should have known. Maybe he did and only fought it back to the recess of his mind. There he was, calmly sitting on a bench, looking all too smug to be attractive, hands clasped in his lap and light dancing in his dark hair.

"It took you so long I thought you haven't heard me." He was exulting. "You gave me a fright." He smiled widely and he was handsome again. "Have you felt the pull?"

"The pull?" he repeated, a hand ghosting over his stomach.

"Your hand tells me you have. It's surprising the first time, hm?"

"The first time, Ritsuka?" he was out-of-his depth and felt completely dazed.

"Ah, yes. Since you've finally accepted that you're my Fighter, you'll feel it when we're together. You'll get used to it. I know I did. I assume it will abate or disappear when we will share a name."

He was stunned. He was voiceless. He couldn't move. He stayed there, rooted on the spot and tried to process the implication of Ritsuka's words. He wasn't dumb. He was educated and had a critical mind he could very efficiently use. But right there, right then, he found it especially difficult to absorb it all. What he could sense however, was Ritsuka's happiness and thrumming energy. He was containing himself, that much was obvious. Somehow, he felt it too. The hope. The relief. The elation. The affection and love. The pull was still there too, receding softly. He itched to touch Ritsuka. He looked at him; not as a person he had missed but as he stood, tall and proud. His back straight. Benevolence written on all his features, with the stance of rewarded patience. He was waiting for him, waiting for his response, trying to not push him one way or the other. Hell, he was far too gone for any choice to be possible. He would never be able to resist him. He felt warm and strong and unbeatable. He looked at him and understood what this meant. Not just Ritsuka. Not Seimei's brother. Not only someone he loved. Not only a young man, hardened by life and all he had to bear but who had remained caring and good at heart. No. He looked at him and felt it in his soul. He looked at him and felt jubilant. His Sacrifice. HIS. He saw the shimmer around him. He saw the light that was his aura, his signature. He felt the shift that was his flow. He looked down and rejoiced at the string linking them.

"You see it now, don't you?" Ritsuka asked, nodding towards their bond. "Its existence is proof that we belong together."

"Yes," he answered and his voice was surprisingly strong. But a hand mechanically went to his throat. What about his scars now?

"Soubi." Ritsuka was demanding his attention. He struggled to level his eyes to his. He had come nearer. "Don't be scared. Don't worry." He held him tight. "I'll take care of it."

They stood embraced for several minutes, neither talking, savouring the moment that wouldn't last. It was a milestone, it had to be treated as such. After all the adversity, the trials and tribulations, they had found each other again and had linked themselves so inextricably they would not be done apart again. Loveless they were named but Loveless they were not, as they stood silently revelling in the other's love.

He sighed. He had finally broken through Soubi and won him over. He had had his doubts. It certainly hadn't been a smooth undertaking. Soubi had been reticent. He had always been under the yoke of a cruel and perverse master. It had been hard to break his mindset long enough to allow him to glimpse another way. It took him seven years. Seven years, of which six had been long, depressive, heartbreaking years. But he did it. He did it and Soubi was his. He was his and Soubi was willing to chain himself to him. He was not only willing but thrilled about it. He would protect his Fighter now. Gone were the days his Sentouki would fight alone. And soon, the days when they fought with a disadvantage would be gone too. They would bear an ugly name but at least, they will share it. Better be Loveless with Soubi than unnamed without him. His. His heart soared.

There still was Seimei to take care of. He felt Soubi's fear and queasiness about it. The confrontation will not be smooth nor will it be easy. It distressed Soubi and he wasn't happy about it. But it was unavoidable. They both needed, for different reasons, the closure it would bring. And despite the hardships to come, he was looking forward to it. He had so much to tell his brother. So much to keep him apprised of. So much to hold him accountable for. Indeed, he couldn't wait to meet him. And this time, he was ready.

 _I'm coming Seimei. You should have met me. I haven't forgotten. No, I haven't forgotten a single dirty trick._


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Chapter 20**

Time flied as they holed themselves up in Soubi's flat. They spent it talking, training and enjoying their time together. But their little bubble of happiness had to burst; neither had mentioned Seimei but he was very present in their mind. And Ritsuka's holidays were almost over.

"Soubi, we need to address the issue of Seimei."

"I know," he replied and his head bowed slightly, in fear as much as deference.

"Soubi." His voice was clear and calm, reflecting no apprehension and no irritation. "I won't abandon you. I won't ever let you go back to Seimei. Do you hear me, Soubi?"

"Hai." But he was worried and he had trouble controlling his heart rate and distress. He had no wish to disappoint his Sacrifice or to give him cause to leave him. If Ritsuka was really his and he lost him, he would be crushed.

"Soubi," he said, laying a hand on his arm. "You are mine as much as I am yours. Don't doubt our bond. It's the reason we're stronger together." He kissed him, which he had refrained to do the previous days. He kissed him fiercely, with all the intensity he kept bottled up for when the time would be more appropriate. "Call him Soubi, and be mine once and for all."

* * *

"You'd better have a good reason for calling me," he declared as he unceremoniously opened the door and strutted in.

"See for yourself," Ritsuka answered. "Aren't you happy to see me, brother?"

Seimei swivelled towards the voice and found his little brother sitting comfortably at the table, nestling a cup in his hands. He noticed Soubi stood near him and arched an eyebrow.

"Hello Seimei," Ritsuka greeted blandly. "Please, have a seat."

"You're being awfully at ease, here. And here I was, thinking you were in Gōra."

"Ah, yes. Breathless. It's convenient to have friends who can spread out rumours for your little rat's ears. Still spying on me, brother? Such a useless loss of time and energy all considered."

"Your point, Ritsuka?"

"I wanted to talk to you. I have much to tell you."

"Do you really?" he said, clearly not interested in an answer. "Have you come here alone, Ritsuka? I don't hear any ringing."

"Yes, I've come alone. But when we're done, Soubi is leaving with me."

"And why do you want a loan?"

"You have no idea, do you?" he smirked, a sly and somewhat lascivious grin spreading on his lips. "However, I'm not talking about a loan, as you so elegantly put it. At the end of this conversation, Soubi is mine."

"That might be a problem. What makes you believe I will agree?"

"I don't think you'll have much choice."

"Ah. You've become arrogant, Ritsuka."

"And you're still the same uptight prick."

"I'm losing my time. Spit it out, Ritsuka," he sighed in false exasperation.

"I've waited six years. Surely you can manage an hour or two in your oh-so-busy schedule."

"Sure. If what you have to say is interesting enough."

"Were you aware, for example, that I've known where Soubi lives for over four years?"

"Does it matter? You've only chosen to come now."

"Do you know why?"

"Yes. You believe you can win over me."

"True. But don't get big-headed; it's never been about you."

"Soubi here I assume."

"Naturally."

"Hm. Tell me, what do you see in him?"

"Honestly? You wouldn't believe me. Not that you could, either."

"What do you mean exactly?"

"You're smart, Seimei. You're intelligent and a good strategist, always planning ahead. How could you overlook that?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You sent him to me. You commanded him to keep me company. You ordered him to love me. I wasn't even twelve and I was all alone. I was scared. I was beaten at home. I went to a new school and everyone thought my brother had been murdered in my chair. I had no Fighter and Septimal Moon was trying to recruit me. What did you expect?"

"I wanted you to be protected."

"I've never doubted it," he said with a ghost of the fond smile he once saved for his brother. "But did you ever considered that I might love him back?" The smile disappeared.

"No." He looked briefly at Soubi. "He's nothing but a Fighter. A tool, a servant. Nothing more."

"I beg to differ but to each his own. You know I've spent time training at Seven-Voices Academy. I won't make a stand against you. I won't be your ally either. Nor will I be theirs. Over there, I've formed my own opinion and decided you don't use your Fighters like you should. Honestly, I don't give a damn about Akame. You can do as you wish, however wrong it is. But Soubi? Soubi is mine. And I won't tolerate he be under your yoke anymore."

"Listen to you, little brother. You've grown, haven't you? And still, you're so very naive and childish. You should know I will never abandon him."

"And you should know I will never give up," he gestured to his cup, silently offering one. Seimei nodded. "Do you know what I find most interesting about the bond between Fighter and Sacrifice?" he asked from the kitchen. "It is mutable. Did you know that?" he continued as he poured him a cup of tea.

"A name can't be changed. It's a constant."

"You can be so narrow-minded sometimes. Take Soubi, for example. You named him Beloved. But that clearly doesn't reflect him very much. He has nothing of Beloved but the name. How can he be Beloved if the name truly is a mirror of our nature?"

"Please. Elaborate. You're dying to do so."

"Patience, Seimei. I've discovered also you're the reason I lost my memories. And that you had mom trying to kill me. No thanks to your precious Nisei by the way. Ah, but he doesn't seem very reliable by the way, does he? Does he ever manage to carry out your orders properly? No wonder you won't depart from Soubi. After all, I'd be disappointed too if he were my true Fighter." He smiled widely, daring his brother to be less than polite.

"You won't get a rise out of me, Ritsuka. This is all rather foolish. They are only empty words."

"Ah, can't you humour me? I'm still young. And, contrary to you, I'm not so stuck-up. Maybe," he whispered conspiratorially, leaning towards him across the table "you should do everyone a favour and lose those ears of you. You're almost twenty-four, it's high time. I'm sure that Fighter of yours would be more than willing." He laughed out loud when he saw the disgust on his face. "Really? Maybe it would feel good." He felt Soubi perked up as he recognized the words.

"Hm. And why not Soubi, then?" Seimei contemplated, staring at his brother.

"Trying to rile me up with jealousy? So petty, Seimei," he chastised gently. "I know he's killed for you. I'm sure he could fuck you," he deadpanned.

"Such a coarse language, Ritsuka. You really should work on it. It's unbecoming."

"Don't be ridiculous," he scoffed. "What would you have me say? Make love to you? I'm not a liar. I say it as it is. Too bad you don't like it."

"Ritsuka, have you come all the way here to talk about my sex-life?"

"Or lack thereof?" he jeered. "You know, if the mere thought is so revolting to you, you could try wanking. It would do you a world of good," he rubbed in. Soubi tensed beside him.

"What do you want?" he asked, his patience waning.

"Well, each year, for six of them, you called me on my birthday and pretended to be nice. I thought I'd repaid the kindness. Did you know father is spending more time at home since I left?" When his brother didn't seem likely to answer and only looked at him blandly, he continued in the same polite voice. "By the way, have you ever been to my condo?"

"No I haven't. But I've attended your high school graduating ceremony. Took Soubi with me too." He smirked when he saw Ritsuka turn to the fighter abruptly. "He hasn't told you? So disappointing, isn't he?"

"So, you were there. Had fun?"

" Yes. The look on both your face that day— I wouldn't have missed it for anything."

"You're a jerk, Seimei."

"What happened to your hand, Ritsuka? That must be painful," he queried.

"Nothing I can't handle. Mother trained me efficiently, you know."

"So I've been told."

"Seimei, let's be serious. I've come for Soubi, not for you. Let's settle this matter."

"You're the one talking a lot of hot air. I have no wish to spend more time here than necessary."

"Then I declare Soubi as mine. I claim him as my Fighter. I state that you purposefully stole him and carved him so I would be left Fighterless."

"And what do you intend to do about it?" Seimei asked and Ritsuka blinked.

"Nothing. Soubi is already mine. I'm just notifying you."

"No, he's not," he laughed. "Soubi, get him out. I have about enough of my brother's antics."

The Fighter looked briefly at Ritsuka before turning his attention to Seimei. How he could seem both confident and afraid at the same time was baffling but his posture revealed those exact two feelings.

"No," he answered calmly. "I have renounced you, Beloved, and already pledged myself to Loveless. I no longer belong to you and I won't obey your commands anymore." He tore his bandages away and revealed healed scars on his throat, neither bleeding nor raw. For the first time since they had met, he defied Seimei. He defied his Sacrifice whom he had loved unconditionally and without ever reaping kindness from him. He defied Beloved whom he had set up as a God. He defied his former master, who had given orders that had made his skin crawl. He defied the man responsible for most of the hurt and injuries he had born. He defied the one who had torn his heart apart repeatedly and in so many ways. He defied him and felt perfectly within his rights to do so. "From now on, I will fight for Ritsuka and Ritsuka only."

"Then you are a fool. And a traitor. I don't need either," he spat at Soubi then got up and turned towards his brother. "You've cost me a Fighter, Ritsuka. You'd better steer clear of me."

"Or what?" he dared, getting up as well and closer. "You're going to hurt me? That's a bit too late."

"You won't win a fight against me. Don't push your luck." He saw Ritsuka sneer. "This expression doesn't flatter you. Drop it."

"I'm not a sweet, innocent, naive little boy anymore, Seimei. And you tend to forget you brought this upon myself. I've tried to make excuses for you. I've tried to find valid reasons for your behaviour. I've tried to make amends on your behalf. But the truth is, you're just a spoilt child with too much power. And I'm rather pissed off with you. Don't you go make threats on me. You believe yourself to be invincible. You believe yourself above all and everyone. You believe yourself stronger and mightier. You know what? I'm not impressed and you don't scare me. And you owe me so much that a lifetime of kindness wouldn't repay your debt to me. Don't threaten me. And leave Soubi out of your little games."

"Or what?" he asked, not impressed either and mirroring his brother's words to make a point.

"I was afraid you'd never ask," he said merrily. He smiled and it wasn't the nice and easy smile he bestowed on his friends. It wasn't the delighted and loving smile he saved for Soubi. It wasn't the indulgent smile for Kio. It wasn't the sad but lenient smile for his mother. It was a false, mirthless and harsh smile. The expression a ruthless opponent wears before dealing a final blow. "I thought you'd never ask," he repeated and suddenly punched his brother, his bandaged hand clenched in a forceful grip. His knuckles complained and the mending bones broke again. "That was so long overdue, Seimei. Never command, threaten or hurt Soubi again. He is mine and you'd better remember it."

"Ritsuka," he said, a hand touching lightly his broken nose. "You've grown. Keep Soubi. You've earned him. But don't underestimate me either. You'd better remember not to meddle in my business either."

"Then we're clear. Farewell brother."

"Hai Ritsuka. Till next time."

* * *

 _ **I really hope I did it right. It was difficult to write. I had a few pieces that turned round and round in my head until they were actually written but not the whole picture. It came with a lot of hard work. I'd like to know if it turned out right so if you have a few minutes, would you please leave a review? Thank you so much.**_


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **Nearing the end. Just another one left after this one.**

 **Chapter 21**

Ritsuka turned to Soubi and studied him intently for a few seconds before walking to his kitchen to pour him a strong coffee. Then he sat back down. He felt like he hadn't left this chair for hours.

"How are you feeling?" he enquired.

"I'm— alright, Ritsuka. Everything's fine," he replied as he sat in front of him and played with his steaming cup.

"I won't get angry if you're honest, you know. You don't look alright."

Soubi watched him in earnest, his head slightly cocked to the side and seemed to ponder his words. When he looked down into his cup again, Ritsuka knew he would be truthful.

"I feel— bereft somehow," he said thoughtfully. "Wronged. But I shouldn't and it irks me."

"I can relate to the feeling of loss," he comforted and put a hand on his. "I've accepted your need to belong and I understand it is hard for you to let go of your tether. I know you hate feeling directionless and I've assumed you'll need some time to mourn your bond with Seimei." Soubi opened his mouth to protest but Ritsuka held up his hand and continued. "I'm not angry, Soubi. I'm not disappointed either. You've spent ten years on his leash, I've spent six years waiting for you. I can't expect you to be as thrilled as I am. It will all come in due time. As long as you come back to me in the end, it's fine." He smiled at him encouragingly and his eyes softened.

"You've always been soft-hearted, Ritsuka."

"Which means you don't believe a word of what I've said." He sighed. "Alright. Get up and close your eyes. Relax," he added as an afterthought.

They really had to share a name quickly. Calling him cost too much effort and energy, not accounting the disadvantage in Spell Battle. And really, he only wanted to expose their bond for all to see. His own battle had been led and won. Now, he wanted to reap the rewards. Soubi was his and it was to be heralded. No-one would ever take his Fighter away from him again.

"Do you hear me now, Soubi?" he waited for his nod. "Do you see me?" Another nod. "Do you feel my presence?" Another nod. "You will never be alone, for as long as you'll have me. Open your eyes, Soubi." He waited for him to comply and adjust to the shimmering of their bond. "I pledge myself to you, Soubi."

"Ritsuka!" he exclaimed with a frown. "I'm your Fighter. You don't have to. Don't give yourself away."

"You still don't understand." He smiled sadly. "I love you, Soubi." He saw him stiffen in surprise and huffed slightly. "I will never accept anyone else. Not as a Fighter, not as a lover either. I am yours. I've always been. And now, you can be mine. Without orders, without a tether, without constraints. You can **choose** to be mine. I offer you a relation that is not power-dependant. _I_ _give myself away,_ " he insisted "because I love you."

"Ritsuka," he whispered, eyes downcast. "I don't deserve you." He sighed. "But I would be a fool to turn down our bond or turn away from you," he added before kissing him.

Reaping the benefits indeed. And as Soubi kissed him with an intensity matching his own, at last, he felt whole. He had always been fully committed— to this Fighter, who had stolen his heart as surely as Seimei had stolen his happiness or his mother his innocence. In his arms, he had always felt stronger. This was no exception. Finally, he had his hands on him. And finally, he seemed to reciprocate.

"Are you willing?" he purred softly when he felt him harden under his caresses. He was kissed more fiercely as an answer.

* * *

 **I'm not nearly happy with it but I couldn't left it at the previous chapter either. Anyway, thanks for sticking up with me and for having read.**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N : Not mine. All Kouga Yun's. I don't own Loveless. I don't make any money out of it.**

 **This chapter is the last one. I want to thank you for having read, reviewed or followed my story. You made me very happy.**

 **Chapter 22**

 _I've got news. When can you get here?_

It took them less than a hour, quite a feat considering the late hour. They barely knocked on his door before bursting in. And there he was, quietly reading a book with a coffee nearby as if he hadn't gone missing for a whole month.

"Where the hell have you been? You could at least have sent a message!" Yōji yelled at him, all his worry turning into peeved anger while Natsuo hung back and contemplated them.

"You're different," he interjected after a few minutes of his Sacrifice reprimanding Ritsuka while their friend only born it patiently and somewhat smugly.

"Really Natsuo? How so?"

"You look— at peace. Usually you're sullen with small lines between your eyebrows, even when you're content. And you wouldn't have let Yōji yell at you for so long without getting angry."

"Long story Natsuo. Care to hear it?" They nodded. "Tea, coffee or beer?"

"Beer," they both answered enthusiastically.

"Naturally."

He took out three chilled bottles and settled comfortably near them. He smiled. If there was someone he was willing and glad to share the news with, it was them. His friends. They have come such a long way together. He had texted them the second he came back into his flat. He hadn't even unpacked yet.

"I've missed you." He began.

"Flattery won't get you anywhere. Start talking now," the other Sacrifice muttered, still annoyed.

"And there I was, thinking I could drag it out a little, make it more suspenseful." Yōji grumbled. "To the point then."

"Ritsuka—" he warned.

"Ah, alright. I went looking for my Fighter. Happy, now?" They went from annoyed to excited and fully interested instantly.

"So what? Did you find him?" Yōji asked, always the direct one.

"It's a guy, isn't he? Tell me it's a guy, Ritsuka, or I'll lose my bet and I would owe him a fat load of money," Natsuo pleaded.

"You made bets?" he picked up.

"Irrelevant, Ritsuka. Focus." He blinked. He should have known, really. At the very least, he shouldn't have been surprised.

"Of course he's a guy. A handsome one, moreover."

"Oh, little Ritsuka is in love again?" they teased.

"He's my Fighter. What did you expect?" he replied, unfazed.

"How did you find him? How did you win him over? Where is he now? Oh, this is exciting news Ritsuka! We've been wondering for years! When are we meeting him? Do we know him?"

"You're worse than girls! A few more questions you'd like to throw in since you're at it?"

"Don't bitch Ritsuka. You could have kept us updated and we wouldn't be so parched for information." He laughed. Yes, he had missed them. They really were something.

"You're happy," Natsuo commented. "It's been years since I heard this laugh." Ritsuka smiled indulgently at him.

"Hm, yes, Natsuo. I'm happy. Happier than I've felt for years. It's a nice change."

"I told you once that the day you'd find your true Fighter, you'd forget about Soubi. Told you you'd fall in love again," Yōji interjected.

"That you did," he answered but his smile seemed a bit forced and his good mood dimmer. "What do you want to know first?"

"Tell us how you found him."

"Ah, tricky question. Can you choose another? I'll get to this one later."

"Hm, what did you do?" Ritsuka looked at him, a hint of humour on his lips. Whatever would burst out of his lips would have to be taken with a pinch of salt.

" Yōji," he warned affectionately "are you sure you want to know?"

"Well, of course I do!" he exclaimed not taking the hint.

"Well, we've spent an awfully long time in his bed and—" he began wiggling his eyebrows and not bothering to keep his impudent grin in check.

"Stop it! That's not what I'm interested in!"

"Are you sure?" he insisted, cheeky. Natsuo howled in laughter beside him at the distress on his Sacrifice's face.

"You're supposed to be on my side!"

"Well, I'm sorry but you brought this upon yourself. Did you hear me ask anything like that? Look at him! He's _beaming_ ," he insisted. "He just needs so much to say the lewdest ideas that cross his mind."

"Can't you be serious?" Yōji asked with a hint of dismay.

"You're a kill-joy. I was having so much fun at your expense."

"That's exactly my thoughts too," he mumbled.

"Ah, well, if it can't be avoided. I've known where he lives for some time now and I've reached out months ago already. But I kept it down and cautious. I didn't want Seimei to have an inkling about it. That would have made a right mess, don't you think? So, at the beginning of the holidays, I went there, stayed in a hotel."

" A month in a hotel? With what money exactly?"

"I've been saving for years. I'm not that destitute. Where was I? Ah, yes. I went to his place every day. I asked him to show me around, talked about him, about me, about what we like and don't like. Went there, done that, blah, blah, blah."

"You've been training him in other words."

"Yes," he admitted. "I had to strengthen our bond. I was the only one who could feel and see it. He had been— difficult."

"So, you didn't spent that much time in his bed, did you?

"Not as much as I would have," he admitted. "But hey, he'll be moving here in a few days. Well, no. That's wishful thinking. A few weeks might be more accurate. And then I'll have him all for myself." He smiled wistfully.

"And we won't see you for how long exactly?" Yōji asked, always the pragmatic one.

"Do you really need an answer?" Natsuo sighed. Yōji opened his mouth to talk back but got a glimpse of Ritsuka's brazen grin and wisely declined.

"How did you manage to convince him in the end?" Natsuo wondered. Yōji winced, finally understanding that Ritsuka was in such high-spirits that he was willingly picking on any double-meaning he could find.

"To jump me? I can be very persuasive, you know," he flirted shamelessly, leaning closer to Natsuo. "Do you need to be convinced?"

"Ritsuka, you don't get to make a pass at **my** Fighter! Hands off him immediately!"

"Calm down, I was just joking. There's no one I desire apart from my Fighter." His face turned serious again and he began his narrative again. "Actually, I had exhausted all the ideas I had to bond. So I gambled. I called him to me. But it was difficult and required a great deal of effort and concentration because we didn't share a name. I was exhausted. Honestly, it took all I had to appear unfazed when he arrived. I was so drained I just wanted to fall on the spot and sleep until the next day."

"Didn't share a name? As in past time?"

"As in past time, yes."

"When did it appear?"

"You really don't want to know," he replied gently. Both took the hint and wisely remained silent.

"Ritsuka, how did you hurt your hand?"

"I punched a wall. Repeatedly."

"That must have gone well. I'm sure your Fighter was much impressed." Ritsuka smiled gleefully.

"Coincidentally," he continued, and his face lit up like a Christmas tree, "I've also broken Seimei's nose."

"What?!" Natsuo spluttered while Yōji choked on his beer. "Beloved? Are you insane?"

"It was long overdue. I'd gladly have another go but I'm not sure I could manage it. Nor get away with it honestly. And how good that felt! You have no idea how long I've wished to mar this handsome face of his."

"What possessed you to do this? You went against Beloved for crying out loud!"

"He threatened my Fighter." His face hardened and his eyes reduced to slits. "He may deem Fighters inferior and mere tools but no-one is allowed to bully mine without retribution. I protect my own." His features were harsh and sullen again. Gone were the humour, the good mood, the joy. Unyielding, bellicose and serious Ritsuka was back.

"But Beloved?" Yōji pleaded. "And you got away with it? Are you hurt?"

"He was very accommodating," he said and his features relaxed. "And only my hand complained." He tried vainly to flex his fingers and winced.

Natsuo looked at him thoughtfully while his Sacrifice processed all the information. Yōji would fill in the gaps later for him. There was something fishy. Ritsuka wasn't telling them everything and took his sweet time to reveal the rest. He had no doubt he would be honest til the end. But he was clearly enjoying himself far too much to be straightforward.

"How did Seimei find you?" Yōji finally asked.

"I had him called."

"You confronted him with a barely acquired Fighter with whom you had never fought? You're a lunatic," Yōji stated.

Ritsuka only smiled softly, the steely gleam in his eyes not yet disappearing. He had taken pleasure in the altercation, Natsuo was sure of it. He had rejoiced in punching his brother and had no remorse at all. He knew Ritsuka had told the truth when he had claimed he'd like to hit Seimei again. Preferably repeatedly if he knew his friend well. He didn't even care about his hand and talked about it as evidence of his success. There was a hard and dangerous edge to him that rarely showed. The very few times it had, it had pertained to Soubi. _'I will go get Soubi back. But it's Seimei I'm going to face._ ' He remembered Ritsuka's would always remember the cold and unwavering gleam in his eyes that day. The same he was sporting right now.

"Who is your Fighter, Ritsuka?" Natsuo asked calmly and seriously.

"I'm sure you already know. You're only looking for confirmation, aren't you?"

"I'd like to know if I guessed correctly, yes."

"What are you two on about? How can you know Natsuo? He told us next to nothing."

" Yōji," Ritsuka called, drawing his attention. "You should know there is only one Fighter I will ever accept."

"Soubi?" he blinked, dazed. "But he's Beloved." Something hardened in Ritsuka's eyes. Something dangerous.

"No, he isn't. He should never have been Seimei's in the first place. And now, he is mine and rightfully so."

"And Seimei let him go?"

" Soubi is **mine** , Yōji," he insisted heavily. "My brother stole him from me and carved him. I can assure you he will never take my Fighter away from me again."

There it was again. The steely gleam, the determination, the resentment. It was never far and Ritsuka didn't need much to react each time Soubi was concerned. Their bond was strong, there was no denying it. If they also shared a name now, they would be fierce opponents in a Battle.

"Calm down, Ritsuka. I'm just surprised, that's all. I've never heard of a Fighter who changed his name."

"He hasn't changed his name. He has finally assumed his true name. That's different. Carved him like a ripe pumpkin— Seimei deserved far more than a broken nose," he declared, all excitement gone and a dark anger surfacing.

"Ritsuka," Natsuo interjected. "It's okay now," he appeased. "We're happy for you both. After all this time, you finally get your wish granted. You certainly deserve so."

"So Ritsuka," Yōji said after a few minutes of tense silence, "you slept with Soubi?"

"In your dreams. You won't know a thing about it," Ritsuka answered good-naturedly, his anger dissipating.

"Come on!"

"I said no."

"How long did it take you to get into his pants?"

"Forget it."

"Is he a good shag at least?"

"Let go."

"You've been waiting for so many years, was it up to your standards?"

"Fuck you Natsuo!"

"No thank you, that's your thing, not mine."

They bantered until late in the night. By the time they were too tired to continue, morning was there. But Ritsuka fell asleep happy, knowing in a few weeks at most, his Fighter would be with him. For as long as they wished. Or better yet, until death do them part.

 **End**

* * *

 **Again, thanks for sticking with me until the end. I hope you enjoyed reading at least as much as I enjoyed writing. Cheers.**


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